Author Archives: beholdthesharktopus

About beholdthesharktopus

Jovial scrotal yodel.

ATTN: ASPIRING FITNESS MODEL SEEKS TO WIN MOST BEAUTIFUL TEEN CONTEST

Posted on January 29, 2013 by beholdthesharktopus

ASPIRING TEEN FITNESS MODEL BRYAN SILVA, LOOKING TO WIN MOST BEAUTIFUL TEEN CONTEST. PLEASE FOLLOW IF YOU LIKE MUSCULAR TEENS. HATERS CAN GET FUCKED, SAYING I HAVE TOO MUCH MUSCLE. Young Physique/Fitness Male Model Named Bryan Silva. Muscle Worship, Strength … Continue reading →

Posted in gay, photo documentation of dumb things you did in high school that go on to fuck up your whole life, posts that write themselves, what u do after school when u live in the suburbs, zany things that white ppl do | Tagged , , , , , | 34 Comments

ATTN: UPCOMING TEENAGE MUSICIAN SEARCHING FOR SERIOUS BAND

Posted on December 11, 2012 by beholdthesharktopus

I am a serious teen vocalist searching for bandmates who want to take their music ALL THE WAY! I know what it takes to get to the top, and have an uncle who knows people in the music industry who … Continue reading →

Posted in lulzy videos, vocal covers, what u do after school when u live in the suburbs | Tagged , , , , , | 54 Comments

Straight Outta Junior High’s last show is tonight :’(

Posted on December 7, 2012 by beholdthesharktopus

The band Straight Outta Junior High has held a place close to my heart since I was a dumbass middle schooler who thought a song named “Boner” was hilarious. Now I’m 21 and still think “Boner” is funny as hell. … Continue reading →

Posted in old people, pop-punk | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Albums u may have missed this year: AMERICAN ME – III

Posted on December 3, 2012 by beholdthesharktopus

2012 has been a HELL of a year for moshing and moshing enthusiasts. There’s been strong releases from Xibalba, Emmure, Acacia Strain, Whitechapel, Veil of Maya, Thick As Blood, the list goes on. Of course, nobody’s ever happy and I’ve … Continue reading →

Posted in deathcore, sick breakdowns, Uncategorized, you're moshing | Tagged , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Suiside Silense embraces YOLO through the greatest piece of merch ever

Posted on September 19, 2012 by beholdthesharktopus

So I’ve been proclaiming since YOLO became a thing that deathcore luminaries Suiside Silense were, in fact, the inventors of the YOLO lifestyle, though they may not have invented the phrase itself. It would seem I’m not the only one … Continue reading →

Posted in deathcore, sick breakdowns, things that make old ppl angry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

Do u live AN EMO LIFE?

Posted on August 31, 2012 by beholdthesharktopus

So today I found this video series on Youtube that really expresses what life is like for me as an emo kid. Whoever made this REALLY GETS ME, and understands that my being emo isn’t a choice, it’s WHO I … Continue reading →

Posted in lulzy videos, myspace nostalgia, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 32 Comments

The new Blood on the Dance Floor video is all liek high school is hard :(

Posted on July 17, 2012 by beholdthesharktopus

  So the other day I was on youtube seen that Blood on the Dance Floor had a new vid and I was like pffffft, probably mor eautotuned seen crunk bulls**t, I only listen 2 REAL artists liek Adele & … Continue reading →

Posted in BOTDF, scene, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 78 Comments

ITT: Old grindcore musician discovers trend 3 years after it peaks

Posted on July 6, 2012 by beholdthesharktopus

  I’m not sure what my favorite part of this is. I can’t decide if it’s funnier that he’s just now discovering crabcore, or that he spelled it “crab core metal core”. Does he refer to his band as a … Continue reading →

Posted in bands whose music I enjoy from a very safe distance, crabcore, lulzy pictures, old people | Tagged , , , , , , , | 162 Comments

When your deathcore band does a cross-promotional marketing campaign with Taco Bell

Posted on July 2, 2012 by beholdthesharktopus

And for every purchase that includes one or more orders of Dorito Tacos you can be entered to win a free JUMP THE FUCK UP t-shirt!

Posted in deathcore, lulzy pictures | Tagged , , , , | 34 Comments

NEW XIBALBA TRACK, OPEN THIS FUCKING PIT UP YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS

Posted on June 14, 2012 by beholdthesharktopus

XIBALBA HAS A NEW TRACK. IT GOES HARD AS FUCK. LISTEN TO IT, YOU BITCHES, THEN PRESENT YOUR FACE SO I CAN PUNCH IT. SD:GILBHSFBL:HIAF:LJSDL:JKHSFBL:KHSG SO HEAVY You can listen to it streaming on Pitchfork of all places. Here’s the … Continue reading →

Posted in hardcore, new jamz | Tagged , | 47 Comments