Author Archives: Sergeant D

About Sergeant D

I was like yeah ok whatever

BMTH has a new song and it sounds like something from a Vin Diesel movie trailer

Totally picturing this blaring in the background as a montage plays of Vin Diesel and Eva Mendez kissing passionately, then pulling out Uzis and standing back to back as they waste swarms of bad guys.

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , | 32 Comments

ITT: THE MOST ADVANSED MEME OF THE YEAR

credit: futuremememachine

Posted in lulzy pictures | 35 Comments

LIFE ADVICE: How not to fuck up school and/or your career

One of the few things in my life that I’ve managed to NOT fuck up is my career. I’m not swimming in cash or anything, but I get paid more than most of your parents do for a cool job … Continue reading

Posted in advice | 111 Comments

CANE HILL: world’s first COALCHAMBERCORE band??

shuddering with douchechills @ the singer’s scott stapp pose & leather jacket We all know that the nu-core movement has been in full effect for a while, but for the most part that has been limited to copying SLIPKNOT and … Continue reading

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , | 76 Comments

what do u think of the new ATTILA song?

Stoked that ATTILA are back with new material already! There’s not a lot to go on here since there’s no video and I can barely understand any of the words, but here’s a couple notes: First impression is that this … Continue reading

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , | 54 Comments

MATTY MULLINS releases new video; enters the cringe hall of fame

Self-declared voice of a generation and inspirational figure MATTY MULLINS has released a new video and WOW, it’s a doozy. Basically, what happens is that he picks up his girlfriend from her McMansion, then they hop in his convertible Mini … Continue reading

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , , | 49 Comments

BMTH has a new song and it sounds like COLDPLAY

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 50 Comments

More evidence that the myspace/scene revival is just around the corner

If u ever wrote off my predictions of a neon/scene/myspace revival as a joke or wishful thinking, you might want to start reconsidering that. Check out this list of the popular stories on altpress.com as of October 9, 2014 for … Continue reading

Posted in what we think about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , | 53 Comments

VICE steals one of my jokes in a stangry post about djent

As u may have seen via the internet, some guy who writes for Vice’s music blog Noisey wrote a stangry article about djent. The basic gist of it is “djent exists, and that makes my butt hurt very badly.” It … Continue reading

Posted in announcements | 42 Comments

POLL: why is Halloween so popular with annoying, alternative white people?

It’s October, and you know what that means: alternative white people won’t shut the fuck up about how excited they are for Halloween. Whether it’s lots of unwanted details about all the various ideas they have for zany costumes, lists … Continue reading

Posted in what we think about stuff | Tagged , | 123 Comments