As you may have noticed, I haven’t posted in a bit– just wanted to say that I’m taking a little break but will be back very soon! It’s mostly just that I’ve been really busy with my new job, and also that a couple times a year I get exhausted by the basically constant stream of negative bullshit that is the internet, and I need to step back for a bit to avoid burnout.

So yeah– bear with me, I’ll be back in action shortly and stay tuned! Tx u for ur support :3

Full great comic: here

            Let me be clear right here from the start, nice people are amazing all the time and wanting to be one should be a main goal in everyone’s life.  This isn’t about them.

“Nice Guys”, with the caps and if you’re reading this out loud a little stank in your voice, are not really that nice.  They’re actually pretty shitty people who are entitled little shitheads and incapable of understanding the feelings of others. Its pretty common and understandable if you think like this like in middle school or high school, cause everyone at that age is usually pretty shitty (definitely myself included), but Nice Guys in their twenty’s are a real bunch of life failing sadness machines that just bring my day down like no other.

But it doesn’t have to be like this! I put together some helpful tips so you can tell if you or someone you know is being a Nice Guy, and then get your life back on track to not being a suckfest of a human.

You think you’re better than other people
(you aren’t)

Already wrote extensively about why the Friendzone is Bullshit: here
Wouldn’t you think these people would know how to use the memes they love correctly?

One of the main calling cards of Nice Guys (remember to say it all shitty in your head), is that they think they’re great. The only way they could be rejected is if some ASSHOLE comes along. “But I’m way better than that guy! My niceness KNOWS NO BOUNDS!” Well slow your roll there pal, cause you’re probably awful and don’t even know.

You got to think about what you’re bringing to the table here. Are you nice? Yeah so is pretty much every other guy out there, including the one she’s dating. He’s probably also better looking, smarter, better to talk to, with a better job, a better social status (which is incredibly important), or maybe even just better at sex. It could even be just one of those things, or none of those things if they’re just a good match and have chemistry. That doesn’t make him the inferior jerk and you the superior nicer guy, it just means she likes him and not you and that’s it.

Is that your fault? Maybe, maybe not, doesn’t matter. Is it her fault? Definitely not. Should you obsess over it and hate her? No, you move on and don’t be an asshole about it because that makes you the only jerk in the equation, and a Nice Guy. Nice Guys suck, don’t be one, moving on.

You think you know what women want
(you have no clue)

so many cringes it might be fake but someone like this could totally be real and that’s scary

The most frustrating thing about dealing with Nice Guys is that they think they have a grasp on what women truly want in a man, and that if they keep being Nice it’ll just work out. I’m going to go on record right now saying I have no idea what women want, except that its going to vary highly between women because the female sex isn’t some giant hivemind that only wants one thing. And I’m like a 1000% sure no one wants fat bald fedora wearing bronies who use “pwn” non-ironically and call women bitches and whores.

But also, how unimportant is holding a door for someone or pulling out a chair? I don’t know what the struggles associated with day to day life as a women are and I never really will, but I’m pretty sure having to move doors and chairs will never be a day runiner. This (hopefully fake) person right here brings nothing of value to any type of relationship, but most painfully fails to see how useless he is and thinks just being “Nice” should make him in high demand. “Holy shit he Nice?? no way I don believe it where is the line to ride the D? How could this perfect smart cute niceness Adonis still be single all women must be heartless bitches right?”

So what do you do? Well you start working on making yourself a person other people would want to be with. Get a personality, be engaging, fun, interesting, rich even, seriously anything that could make someone find value in having you around. Doors mostly have those wheelchair buttons now anyway, if that’s all you got you’re gonna be lonely for a while. And that’s because you don’t even have the only quality you think you need.

You think you’re nice
(not even close)

“You HAVE to have sex with me once but I’ll never ask you a second time I’m super nice” – some terrible terrible human somewhere that exists isn’t that super fucked up what the fuck is wrong with you people

The worst part about Nice Guys (super shitty this time, like drag it out for a while), is that they aren’t really nice. One of the biggest indications that you’re dealing with a Nice Guy is that they will tell you how Nice they are. If you’re self-proclaimed anything odds are you aren’t whatever it is and you’re the opposite, which is exactly the case here. Nice Guys say they’re nice, but are really just pretty shitty and kind of hate women.

I like to think the first Nice Guy existed after he was rejected by someone who let him down easy with a “I’m sorry you’re just too nice” type lie. He really took that to heart, and blamed his lack of success on how great he was instead of realizing how terrible he was, and then with further rejection just grew to develop a hatred of all women instead a realization of his own flaws.

For the most part, Nice Guys are really just too wrapped up in their bitterness and entitlement to really think of women as people. They view dating as like a game, a game with which they think they can “win” but are being cheated by these “bitches” and “assholes”. They don’t factor in other people’s thoughts or feelings or motivations, or how they are perceived by others. Women just exist as sex prizes for making the right moves, and if it doesn’t work for you its because “girls like assholes and bad boys and I’m too nice and they’re all bitches and sluts who don’t realize I’m great.”

But that’s not how it works at all, and is an incredibly fucked way of looking at things. You aren’t owed anything for being nice, everyone should be nice. To every person you meet. All the time. Not just because you want to have sex with them. That’s not nice. Dating isn’t some game its making an emotional connection and a one-sided attraction isn’t a connection its an obsession and creepy and you can’t make an actual emotional bond with a woman if you view women as pieces of meat to be won over or deceived into being with you instead of equal HUMAN BEINGS with emotions and needs that have to be met for her to even be interested I mean really what the fuck is wrong with you. Ugh.

“Nice Guys” always finish last

If you are a Nice Guy its not too late, and hopefully you can become a functioning member of society capable of entering into a healthy relationship with a person you actually care about who cares about you. But you won’t get anywhere unless you realize your flaws, how your way of thinking is harmful, how to treat women as actual human beings, and work to be a better person. Remember, being an actually nice person (say it all sweet in your head like with flowers and stuff <3) is great!, and everyone will like you. Being too nice so you get taken advantage of is stupid. And being a Nice Guy is super shitty. Don’t be that. That’s the worst you can be.

You can do it, and we are here for support <3

Speaking of #EZCRAB, our boys in ABANDONED BY BEARS dropped a new single/video and that shit is FIRE son! I definitely consider these guys neck-in-neck with CHUNK NO CAPTAIN CHUNK in the battle for the #ezcrab throne, and if there is any fucking justice in this cruel, heartless world ABANDONED BY BEARS will blow the fuck up asap. Srs one of the best new bands I’ve heard in a couple years and solid dudes– back tard!

Holler at them on Facebook and tell them SYWH sent you!!

Say what you want about Ronnie Radke (he is a convicted killer and woman beater so imma say he’s probably not the world’s best human being) but he is on some next level shit. This new ESCAPE THE FATE video is either an incredibly advanced piece of performance art or super lulzy narcissistic douchelordery– I’m really not sure which, but does it really even matter??

They went full CRAZYTOWN!! My notes:

• Dat Skrillex hair
• Song p much sounds like a little bit more wigged-out version of the ATTACK ATTACK album
• Ronnie’s looking a little swole, guess he hit the weight pile while he was in the joint. Possibly the only scene frontman where DYEL jokes don’t work? :(
• :50- “All I do is win.” I guess except for that one time you got convicted of a felony and had to go to prison for a year. And the other time you got busted for hitting your girlfriend. So other than that, yeah.
• 2:21 where he makes the “L” for “Loser” thing on his forehead. Backwards.
• 3:15 WEEZYCORE

Yours truly (bottom center) finger-pointing to Negative Approach, along with the local recordcollectorcorecore scene. In b4 ‘DYEL?’

Like the word “punk”, “hardcore” has so many different interpretations that it is difficult to say what exactly one listens to when they say they listen to “hardcore”. Do they mean Terror? Defeater? Negative Approach? The Ghost Inside? Gorilla Biscuits? Madball? Although those who have studied the genre’s history even a little are probably aware that it started with ancient bands like The Bad Brains and Minor Threat, those early 80s recordcollectorcore bands don’t really sound much at all like what people typically consider modern “hardcore” today (ie: they aren’t really ‘heavy’ bands per sey, and there are no breakdowns). From the mid 80s into the early 2000s, the definition of hardcore gradually shifted from the fast, punky, often annoying sound of first-generation recordcollectorcore to heavy music with breakdowns.

However, like all youth-oriented western music, hardcore runs in cycles, and eventually what was once old, crusty, and played-out becomes “classic”, “legendary”, and “the blueprint from which to move forward”. The early 2000s saw another generation of annoying beta punker kids enthusiastic to latch onto something different and aggressive, yet less intimidating (and more obscure) than the so-called “tough guy hardcore” of bands like Hatebreed and Throwdown. The release of Steven Blush’s American Hardcore in 2001 consolidated almost anything any young record collector nerd-in-training/‘junior hardcore historian’ would need to know about recordcollectorcore into an easy-to-read manual, and many of the same dinosaur bands featured in the book were on the road again, playing to new audiences for the first time in years to celebrate two decades of existing in some for or another (often only on vinyl or cd anthology for the majority of that time). Thus, the stage was set in the early/mid 2000s for a major revival in the music and fashion of recordcollectorcore, and before long, obnoxious little punk kids went from jocking The Casualties and playing street punk to calling themselves hardcore and aping Negative Approach. Thus, recordcollectorcorecore was born. Read on, and learn more about the strange parallel universe of hardcore that is recordcollectorcorecore, in which 17 year olds gossip about things middle-aged men did 25 years ago, and Maximumrocknroll still relevant…

Although I feel like there were probably a few bands who came bands before them, Orange County bands like Tipper’s Gore (and Harpoon Guns, who appear to have never made it to YouTube) were amongst the first recordcollectorcorecore bands I heard. I had gotten many, many friend requests on Myspace from random punk bands before, but this was the first time I had heard a new band and thought to myself “woah, they are really trying to sound like 80s hardcore”.

Double Negative are one of the biggest bands of this scene, which I find kind of funny as recordcollectorcorecore basically consists of young kids trying revive the steez of early 80s hardcore, and Double Negative was started by a bunch of old dudes who actually were there to see Minor Threat, Black Flag, et all back in the day. Having seen this band literally more times than I can remember in various shithouse basements, living rooms, bars, and clubs, it was a little weird finding out that there were kids all over the country who acted like they’d be willing to stab their grandma for a chance to see them and buy their shirt.

Recordcollectorcorecore is never a very good look. But, for whatever reason, Richmond acquired an excessive supply of smelly white dudes with long hair, dreads, the remnants of yesterday’s lunch dried in their beards, swagless studded battle jackets with dumb late 80s thrash band patches on them, and very loud opinions about stupid stuff. Lots of crusty people really took to Richmond bands like thrash revivalists Municipal Waste and recordcollectorcorecore leaders Government Warning, but I always kept my distance from VA hardcore thrash punx because I was afraid being around them would result in me getting scabies or crabs by osmosis (srs). Part of this contention was probably OCD, but it wasn’t entirely an unreasonable concern either.

As the first decade of the 2000s came to a close, the nostalgia gap in recordcollectorcorecore shifted up, allowing bands there were once ineligible to jock on the basis of either being too new (read: less than 25 years old) or “too tough guy” to become acceptable to like again. My buddies in Lung Matter (RIP) represent the newer breed of recordcollectorcorecore, bands who are obviously influenced by 1^st gen luminaries like Negative Approach, but also like Judge and other stuff that more directly begat the more moshable, heavy sound of modern hardcore. BTW, most of the dudes in Lung Matter were between the ages of 15-18 when they recorded this and everything else they did, and it’s actually really fucking good for this style of music. You’d never even know a couple of them really insist on liking Bold!

Rival Mob are one of the most hyped current recordcollectorcorecore bands, and as their sound indicates, the present and future Shape Of Recordcollectorcorecore To Come is late 80s Youth Crew/NYHC. This development brings things nearly full circle, as recordcollectorcorecore is now veering dangerously close to the “tough guy” sound that OG recordcollectorcorecore opposed in the first place. There’s no way of getting around the fact that a basic underlying principle of this genre is being two decades late to the party, but hey, at least after roughly eight years of revival music, these kids are FINALLY putting mosh sections in the songs, right?

Overall, I have to admit that as a whole, recordcollectorcorecore was not one of my favorite developments in hardcore. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve spent a lot of time there (still do, sometimes), and there’s a lot of nice, sweet, kids who are into this stuff and I’m glad they are having fun with it. But as a former oldfag who jizzed over MDC and Minor Threat recordings over a decade ago, I don’t really have any reason to want to hear more music that sounds like old hardcore when I’ve heard enough old hardcore to last me a lifetime. Furthermore, when we are honest, recordcollectorcorecore is basically the result of when you combine the shitty attitudes and elitism of punk rock with the lack of heaviness and breakdowns of early 80s hardcore – and who the fuck wants to put up with all that, especially when you can just cut loose at a Hatebreed show or have a clean, family-friendly environment (with much better merch) at a The Ghost Inside gig?

Discussion: Are you into recordcollectorcorecore, and if so, who are your favorite bands? Did you read American Hardcore religiously, and where you disappointed when you saw the documentary and realized almost everybody in the book is either bald, fat, and/or leathery now? Is there a place in the world for hardcore without breakdowns anymore, or do you believe this sort of backwards thinking is dangerous, and could lead us into a spiral in which people think it’s a good idea to intentionally sound like YDI or Toxic Reasons? Is anybody who reads this site unlucky enough to have ever heard YDI or Toxic Reasons?

For as much crying handwringing as I’ve done lately about easycore being on its deathbed and the rise of antiquelampcore and 50s dad haircuts and blah blah blah, I kind of lost sight of the fact that some of the best ezcore of all time dropped in the last few months: CITY LIGHTS’ new single, ABANDONED BY BEARS, the CHUNK album, and last but not least the LAKEVIEW EP. And speaking of LAKEVIEW, they’re back with a new label (Arkaik Records) and a new single that goes hard as FUCK:

That said, with the exception of CITY LIGHTS, none of the newer generation of easycore bands really sound like what we think of as “easycore:” major key breakdowns, zany song titles and (for the most part) really really really terrible production that pretty much ruins it. But maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Like a homely catepillar pupating and transforming into a beautiful, majestic butterfly caressing the sky with it’s multi-colored wings, easycore 1.0 has morphed into easycore 2.0: EZCRAB. It’s everything you loved about easycore, but with shiny Risecore production and even sicker breakdowns. And I am more than ok with that.

EASYCORE IS DEAD. LONG LIVE EZCRAB.

 That spunky pose hnggggggggggggg wood cumfaint the instant she got within restraining order distance of me

A bunch of people sent me this video, probably because they wanted me to make fun of it. But I’ll leave that for all the metal sites who will delight in calling this “the most incredibly awful piece of shit I’ve ever heard,” “even worse than ATTACK ATTACK” and all the other excessively strong, aspie ways they have of saying “i dont liek thing.” Because you know what? I’m in love, and love does funny things to a man.

The best part about this video is the Android phones– such an authentic portrait of what its like to be Mexican!! Also, the part at like 3:00 when they go on a carefree romp in the park <3

First of all, I don’t think this band is bad at all. In fact, they’re pretty damn good. But secondly and more importantly, I’m in love with the kyut little screamer girl and her kyut purple hair and sunny smile and omg I just want to squeeze her and hold hands and eat froyo at the Brea mall with her and ask her what her brother meant when he called me a “pinche guero.” The other girl has a really good voice (even though it’s fake) and that’s cool but Stephanie, my heart beats only for you. #YOLO

HI STEPHANIE I REALLY LIKE YOUR FUNKY STYLE AND JUST LIKE THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU HAHA IF YOU EVER WANNA TALK MESSAGE ME ANYTIME OK HAHA

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE on Facebook

WARNING: Don’t even fuckin’ think about reading any further before adorning your puffy vest

San Diego bros WORLD OF PAIN have always been good at creating maximum ignorant mosh damage, but they got a new album, Improvise & Survive, coming out later this month, and it’s seriously, like, too heavy. Please be safe when listening, and remember, it’s never cool to practice spin kicking your cat, no matter how much your brain is telling you “dude he’ll fly so far and it will be so crucial, and cats can jump off buildings and shit he’ll be fine”, just don’t fucking do it! Cats don’t forget that kind of hatred, they’ll piss on your pillow or something.

If ur a true scumbag you probably know this song was on their ’09 demo, and prob thought it couldn’t get heavier. You now stand corrected.

Praise be to our Mosh Lord on high. Hallelujah. 2013 is the a good year so far, indeed. This song is called DROWNING, which is coincidentally relevant to the mind-bottling band DROWNING and also the No Zodiac song DROWNING, making DROWNING the official beatdown vocab word that 2013 will be remembered by!

0:19 is all i have to say

IS THIS ENOUGH STREET CRED FOR U FGGTS??

as far as easycore goes, in her own words has always been one of my favs from the golden era, and criminally underrated (along with can’t bear this party – who in a recent interview have stated that they will never turn tr00) .

this EP is srsly a masterpiece

although can’t bear this party have made the pledge to stick to their roots, in her own words have gone the opposite route and have a new song that’s totally tr00 … but i kinda like it. maybe my tastes have evolved to the point of being more faggy, but i aint even mad.

http://inherownwords.bandcamp.com/track/reverie
^^^

now you can add IHOW along with the wonder years, four year strong, citizen, sail to north, a place in time and me vs hero to the list of easycore bands who have now gone tr00.

So the new CNCC album is out, and I think we all new it was gonna be a banger. Yet somehow it is even fucking better than I thought it would be– without a doubt one of the best ezcore albums to date (which is especially refreshing considering the sorry state of the genre), and a huge step up from their awesome debut. Between the super tight Joey Sturgis production and the fact that they can actually (kinda) speak English now, it’s hard to find anything wrong with this record. It’s basically like if they made a whole album of songs as awesome as “In Friends We Trust!”

Really into this song, and also the “zany tour antics” video. It’s refreshingly G-rated, and  they seem like legit nice dudes– petting kangaroos, playing on swingsets, and other activities that would make Taylor Swift nod approvingly. Also really good lyrics about being posi and making the most out of life, which is a nice change of pace from all the fucking pussy whiny friendzone/lonely at college bullshit.

Probably my favorite song on the album, “Bipolar Mind.” Can’t rly understand the lyrics but feel liek they are very relevant and inspirational and could definitely go well on top of a pic of a misty forest, mountain range or other rebloggable image.

“Haters Gonna Hate,” the heaviest song on the album. ADTR y u no sound like this instead of crappee radio rock?? :(

Bai the album on iTunes here

Discuss.

Sauce: matthewxwindsor

I have no idea who this band is, but consider me their #1 after watching this video! I feel like I should try to come up with something more witty for the intro but this is one of those things that’s so advanced that the best thing I can do is simply document it:

• The ridiculously thick midwest accent on the guy at the beginning
• I literally don’t think there is a single span of more than 3 seconds without wiggerish arm movements
• 1:10 are they playing at a rollerskating rink? Please say yes. Please.
• 1:20 I don’t know why that black guy’s hat says “BAER COON” on it but omfg wow #rare
• 1:15 and 1:30 that fat guy keeps punching the kid in the corner?!
• 1:38 when he does the half-assed sxe jump and almost loses his balance
• 2:09 THE SINGER OF DROWNING INVENTS WIGGERISH HEAD MOVEMENTS
• 2:15 shirtless fat black dude doing the robot on the sidewalk outside a crappy bowling alley
• 2:31 when he kicks the other kid in the butt
• 2:48 PUFFY VEST SIGHTED
• 3:59 unsure what is happening here but I fully back it
• Their label is called “Clench Fist.” Not “Clenched Fist,” “Clench Fist.” Not sheriff imperative tense of lulzy spelling error.

Holler at DROWNING on Facebook and tell them Sergeant D sent you!

lol sorry about that fake watch i sold u jakes on u amirite

I guess the neon pop game ain’t what it used to be, because FTSK singer Jonathan Cook got arrested the other day for selling fake Rolexes (srs). Here is his statement– not sheriff lulzy, sad, or both:

I am writing this letter to apologize to my friends and fans for my recent arrest and charges against me for trademark counterfeiting, with attempted distribution of counterfeit Rolex watches.

Before being arrested, I was not aware of how serious such a transaction was and through my experience I have learned that it does not matter how or where I purchased the watches. Simply presenting an item for sale with a false trademark logo is a criminal offense, even if it is well known that the item is a fake.

I am now aware of the financial harm that the distribution of counterfeit property can cause to others, and that this activity is a very serious matter with serious consequences. As a result I will no longer participate in, nor support anyone that engages in this type of activity no matter what the counterfeit item is.

Anyway they also have a new song and its pretty good. Not nearly as good as “Underdog Alma Mater” of course, and not rly even as good as their last album or even the lulzy EP but hey, in the neon-pop-starved world of 2013 I’ll take wut I can get:

One of the weird things about music is that a thing isn’t a thing until someone says the thing is a thing, you know? So I was thinking, we need to come up with a memorable genre name for that thing that DEMOLISHER et al do; that whole “ridiculously brutal downtuned deathcore that kinda sounds like hardcore but isn’t” thing. Because it’s definitely a thing that needs to be recognized as a thing. I’m open to alternative suggestions on naming, but I propose we call it SLUDGEWAVE (since I’m out of ideas for silly-but-annoyingly-accurate genre names that end in -CORE).

I’ve written about some of these bands before, but the world needs a SLUDEWAVE central repository for those of you who may have slept on our previous posts about them. So here goes:

I consider DEMOLISHER the godfathers of SLUDGEWAVE, whose 2009 EP put the genre on the map– the “Sgt Peppers” of braindead mosh if you will. Can’t wait until 2044 when the Village Voice are on these guys’ dicks 30 years late as usual and feature them in some coffee table book called “Tuned to G: The SLUDGEWAVE Movement.”

seriasly I f***ing hate ppl who say that all SLUDGEWAVE sounds the same bc that is just like so ignorant like have they even listened to the bands they are hating on?? For example, THOSE WHO FEAR switch up the formula a bit with the addition of those wiggerish 808s at the beginning of this track.

I know this song is a couple years old, but for some reason I slept on it until just now. Which is too bad because this shit goes hard as FUK. Are the rest of their songs this good?? I know I could answer that question myself in about 15 seconds of searching on Spotify but come on who has time for that GOD MOM JUST TELL ME WHICH SONGS ARE GOOD OMG I HATE YOU

And then we have the new generation up-and-coming of SLUDGEWAVE bands like GENOCIDE DISTRICT, who are little bit more on the Real Hardcore-esque side of things. Kinda like if NO ZODIAC listened to more TAS and less DEVOURMENT?

BARRIER illustrate the richly varied landscape of the SLUDGEWAVE movement, with their a more scene/metalcore-inspired take on the genre a counterpoint to GENOCIDE DISTRICT’s. As you can see, the SLUDGEWAVE sound is an incredibly nuanced sonic canvas that can accommodate a seemingly endless range of experimentation!!

And last but certainly not least, I need to give big ups to PRESTIGE for representing SLUDGEWAVE here in the Seattle scene. Brb making it my goal for 2013 to put these guys over in #NWHC because lettuce be cereal they’re about 900x better than any other band in town.

What other SLUDGEWAVE bands should be on this list?? Lettuce know in the comments!

I have a long history of being the official #1 fan of a lot of B-level bands. For example, I seriously think I like 18 VISIONS more than anyone else on the planet (with the possible exception of Mick Deth). And I thought I was the #1 fan of FIGHT FAIR until some kids from San Diego started a band called FOR THE WIN (named after the best FF song, of course).

Their old shit was good, but their latest single is really really fucking tight– and the lyric video isn’t half bad either. Stoked to see that CITY LIGHTS aren’t the old band keeping non-troo #poppunk alive!

Holler at FOR THE WIN on Facebook and Twitter and tell them Sergeant D sent you!

So you may have seen the latest “MS Paint scene archetype” meme, this time targeting a subject very close to me: #poppunk kids. It has some funny parts but then there are some really facepalm-y bits that make me want to take the kid who made it aside, put my arm around him and say to him in a comforting but slightly condescending tone be like “Hey buddy, I can see that you’re trying really hard out there but go ahead and hit the showers, ok? Leave the satire to the pros,” and pat him on the butt with a wink as I send him back to the dugout. IDK… the kid might have potential– maybe he can red shirt in internet comedy and make the team next year.

Bums me out. There was was so much potential in this joke, but it’s all wasted thanks to this overeager kid who couldn’t leave his mouse alone. Now we’ll nevar know what this meme could have been :(

DON’T LET THIS BE YOU. THINK B4 U CLICK.

As much as I love scene bands and the family-friendly, PG-13 vibe at scene shows, there are a few things about scene culture that bug me: that little kids worship the singers like gods, when you see some dipshits in a C-level breakdown band act like they’re Van Halen, and the lack of an IRL community. There’s a lot of bullshit in hardcore, but there’s also a lot that scene kids could learn from it.

And given that that TERROR are this generation’s “gateway band,” the first step for kids who used to be scene and are getting into Real Hardcore™, who better to teach them about hardcore than these guys? And that’s exactly what they did with their new album “Live By The Code,” which includes a cool little zine/booklet thingy called “The Code” that’s essentially a manual on how to be hardcore. You can be a cynical jerk if you want and laugh at it, but I think it’s fucking cool and that a lot of kids’ lives will be changed for the better by reading it.

I invited Mr Scott Vogel, singer for THE TERRORS to talk about why they made this zine, what they want kids to learn from it, and the good, bad and ugly about 2013 hardcore. Stoked to finally have someone on the podcast who is old and uncool enough to laugh at my EVEN SCORE and HIFI & THE ROADBURNERS jokes, and thanks to Scott for joining us! Sorry about the weird echo on Scott’s end, not sure what that is all about.

Awwww Landon is so kyuuuut and widdle he’s like my baby :3

When I started doing a podcast, my goal was to rip off Joe Rogan as much as possible. And by that I mean that his podcasts come off a lot less like interviews or “shows” and more like just sitting in on a fun conversation with people you like. That’s hard to do via Skype, so I corralled two of my BFFs and sat down for my third-ever IRL podcast with Cameron Argon aka BIG CHOCOLATE and our mutual friend Landon Martin (follow him on Tumblr and Instagram). We bullshitted about Afghanis fucking goats, how I made a Grindr account (but “just for a joke”), the time I touched a guy’s weiner, and some other stuff that doesn’t have to do with penises. At least, I think we talked about non-penis-related stuff but I can’t promise that.

In what many journalists are calling a landmark moment, it is now a hate crime in the UK to discriminate against “punks, metalheads, emo kids, whatever they’re called” (via Alternative Press):

Recently, a new system of classification was introduced in Manchester, England that categorizes violence against alternative subcultures (those labeled “emo,” “goth,” “punk” and otherwise) as hate crime. According to The Guardian, the first arrests under the new law were made on Monday. A 14-year-old boy and a 44-year-old man were arrested for the alleged assault of a 16-year-old boy who identified as “emo.”

While I applaud their efforts at addressing this growing problem, it does not address the epidemic of inter-scene hate crime that is playing out on forums and Facebook profiles everywhere! IMO calling someone a “scene f*g” with “weak, pussyfied inhales” in the YouTube comments of their SUISIDE SILENCE vocal cover video is basically on the same moral plane as burning a cross in their front yard. It’s only a small step from that to the world’s first scene kid lynching where some poor kid gets dragged behind a truck by some angry DEVIN TOWNSEND fans simply because he was born an EMMURE fan!

Me and Ryan P just kickin it with our boy TRACE CYRUS #nofilter

My mom is a fucking idiot whose autobiography should be titled “How to be Unhappy, Miserable and Angry (and Blame It On Everybody Else).” For example, she is on her 5th marriage and has never made more than like $11 an hour in her life despite having TWO college degrees. But even though she is a retard, she has a way of saying some amazingly wise, genuinely insightful things. One of these is “Be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it,” which kept ringing in my head the other night during the MILLIONAIRES/ASHLAND HIGH show I went to.

Regular readers know that I get nostalgic about The Neon Years, and that I’m always saying how I wish I could build a time machine back to 2007– a simpler time, when your biggest worries were who to put in your top 8, when the new Sidekick was dropping and what kind of flatiron to buy. I feel like this show was me getting my wish, and I’m not sure I liked the results :(

This nice little kid called LANCIFER played first. I had no clue who he was, but he totally reminded me of one of those one-man Myspace pop bands with 3 million friends but no actual officially released music like THE SCENE AESTHETIC or PLAY RADIO PLAY. That’s not an entirely bad thing, but it got really weird when he started using the word “crunk” completely non-ironically and seemingly without any awareness that crunk happened 8 years ago. It’s like he was some scene version of Rip Van Winkle who woke up from a coma and was like “YOLO? WTF is that?!” and I squirmed a little every time he said “This is the crunkest song you’ll ever hear!!”

I’m pretty sure that if I started a band, we would literally draw better than this. Srs.

The akwardness only escalated from there, as ASHLAND HIGH took the stage. For those who don’t know they’re fronted by Miley Cyrus’ brother Trace, who also sang in the band METRO STATION. If that name rings a bell, it’s because they were pretty fucking huge in 2008 or so thanks to their top 10 hit “Shake It.” Apparently memories fade fast though, because there were maybe 30-50 kids there for ASHLAND HIGH (see above).

I guess that’s an upside-down upside-down cross??

The “band” consisted of Trace singing along to a guy with a Macbook, and their set was 60% METRO STATION songs. He concluded by saying “We’re not leaving until everybody gets a chance to meet me!” I genuinely felt bad for him when only about 8 chubby girls took him up on the offer, and even they didn’t seem especially excited about it. I’m not trying to be Mr. Cool Guy who’s taking delight in someone else’s failure (well, maybe just a little), it was genuinely a bummer to think about being in his shoes and being like “WTFFFFFF how did I end up playing to 35 kids and opening for the fucking MILLIONAIRES?!”

Me and Ryan before the show, MILLIONAIRES tour bus behind us– just two enthusiastic, bright-eyed #poppunk kids in their 30s, without a care in the world… if only we knew that our youthful innocence would be taken from us in just a few short hours </3

By the time MILLIONAIRES took the stage, I just wanted to go home, draw myself a hot bath and sigh deeply. Nothing stings worse than when your dreams are shattered before your eyes, when you dreaming of holding something in your hands for so long and when you finally do you realize it wasn’t made of precious metal at all, it was just a crusty, dried out dog turd with a coat of cheap gold spray paint on it.

The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach turned into a single tear rolling down my cheek as I saw Allison Green walk out in high-waisted black jeans, the zipper longer than a pony’s dick. As they half-heardtedly lip-synched to their crappy new songs, a part of me died. I realized that the voice in the back of my head that nagged at me was right, that I should have listened to myself all along: the Neon Years are gone, never to return. And maybe that is for the best :(