in b4 his aunt says the book was better than the movie
in b4 God shakes his head and says “Look I really appreciate the gesture but come on…”
in b4 she enters her hipster phase and has to explain it to every new guy she fucks
in b4 the guys reveal their Underoath tattoos and they agree never to talk about this again
I’m not a homosexual, so I don’t really follow art. But when I do, it’s the motion design of JUSTIN HARDER and the music by his bff Chaz Windus aka BLAZING LAZER (in b4 lol u said harder). If you watched cable between 2002-2006, you definitely saw their work, because they did the show opens for like 60% of all programming on VH1, MTV, and Fuel.
Basically, these guys were the Suiside Silence of motion graphics at the time: butthurt oldfags shit-talked them like crazy (“generic, fake, trendy, derp”), but meanwhile every single designer and musician on the planet was biting their style and Justin/Chaz were too busy working to give a fuck.
Justin’s 2004 reel made people really mad because “he has HIS OWN SONG omg he’s so arrogant who does he think he is.” Much like Eurocore dum dums who get mad at everything, the joke was completely lost on them, as well as the fact that the song is fucking awesome.
Neon everywhere. Smoking hot OTW bish (Justin’s girlfriend at the time, I think). Sweet electropop song. THIS IS PERFECT.
By now it’s probably obvious why I love their work so much: lots of bright colors, fun illustrations of skateboards and hot air balloons, and upbeat electro songs that borrow melodies from Sega Genesis games. I can definitely see why East Coast people hated on their work, because it’s very, very LA (specifically, super strong Venice hipster vibe) and people from the East Coast hate anything that they think is “too LA” (via being uptight fggts who think they are s0 hardcore). If they wanted to go maximum overtroll and alienate LA people too, they could include a shoutout to the 909, but I digress.
Chaz is the brains behind this track by a fake Belgian rapper named Von Von Von. The video is nothing special but I am real into the song.
In 2006 Justin started a studio called LAMBO (like the car– sick name huh brah??). I think this is some of their best work, taking a lot of his earlier ideas and building them way out, thanks to bigger budgets than basic cable channels (aka, greater than $0). Music by SOUNDS RED aka the guy from that band Soviet.
“Praun” is an animation for a WeWorkForThem DVD around 2003. I am completely in love with this song, and it makes my balls hurt to think about how much work it must have been to animate this pixel-art style.
This FUEL spot has the same super simple, borderline non-animation as Justin’s earlier work, but the use of textures in the graphics makes it way more organic and interesting than flat vectors.
But what I really love about these guys isn’t just their style, it’s the same reason I love Big Chocolate, Joe Rogan, and South Park Studios. If I may put on my srsfag hat for a moment, I am really inspired by people like them who are super talented, extremely prolific, but still really down to earth. I love the approach of “make as much stuff as you can, as fast as you can, and if one of your projects turns out kinda shitty it’s no big deal because you have 5 more in the works.” It’s the basic formula for how I try to do things, so big ups to the people who showed me how it’s done!
Any girl who wears these = Would beer bong a pint of Vincent Bennet’s ball sweat just to watch her suck Thanos’ dick/10
Credit to SYWH forum poster Truffles for the shooping!
With the music industry more crowded than ever, and consumers’ attention spans at an all-time low, it’s never been harder for bands to make it. IMO the most important thing for an up-and-coming band is to make sure that people know how to categorize them, because who wants to go to the trouble of listening to a band they might not like?? It’s kind of like when you go to buy some jeans, and they have everything from classic super skinny to easy relaxed fit to slim tailored straight leg, and you are just like “2 much work 4 me. Fuck it, I’ll just keep wearing these.”
For example, I was spending the day looking for generic grassy field metalcore videos to make fun of as I often do, and came across this confusing specimen by VICTORY SWEET VICTORY. Watch it with the sound off and guess their genre based on the visual elements: Orange amps in a grassy field, oldfag guitars, wiggerish drummer in a Rebel 8 shirt, and a giant helping of scruffy beards?? To my surprise they’re not troo pop punk/Risecore/srscore, but Disneypunk!
I started out writing this post as a joke, but then I saw this comment on the video and realized I was kinda right. Self-trolled??
Bros, don’t you know it’s just going to confuse people when you don’t rigidly adhere to the aesthetic conventions of your genre?? Whats next, dubstep producers with names like DJ VERB THE NOUN, pop punk bands in puffy vests, and slam bands in neon shuttershades???
Many people think I’m joking when I talk about how much I love EMMURE. I have no idea why they would think I’m being sarcastic about liking a retarded, wiggerish moshcore band with songs about sucking dick and Transformers. Well, I guess when I write it out like that, I can see where there are coming from. But just for the record, although they are definitely lulzy, I seriously, non-ironically think Emmure are amazing and one of the best bands of this generation.
They just released a promo for their new album, “SlavE To ThE GamE,” which reminds of all those early 80s movies where someone would get sucked into a videogame and have to fight their way out, you are like “Whoa that was trippy, videogames are sweet but duuuuude it would be hella scary if you had to fight a robot for real!!!” Lulziness of the promo aside, listen to the song when it comes in at :35– it goes hard as FUCK! Sick nu-metal riffs and and ridiculously brutal “bleh”??? I’M IN.
But more importantly, check out their “package deal” for girls: EMMURE LEGGINGS. Mind = blown, penis = throbbing. Brb fapping to this thumbnail (I put my hand over the back of Thanos Reignz’ head so I wouldn’t accidentally look at it when I cum, like when you are watching porn and they surprise you by switching to a rearview doggystyle shot and the last thing you see before your jizz squirts out is the guy’s taint/asshole).
Thanks to reader Aristo for awaring us to this amazing development!!
I’m not sure why, but the heart of so-called Seattle hardcore has always been the shitty suburbs to the south: Kent, Renton, Federal Way, and so forth. I assume that’s because it’s full of trash, angry kids from poor-ish dysfunctional homes, and those are the raw ingredients for a vibrant hardcore scene. The crappy town of Auburn, WA was home to not only the Auburn Annex (sweetest venue ever) but also KGRG, which has a long history of awesome punk/hardcore radio shows.
Even though I kind of hate South King County, I can’t deny it’s place in NWHC history, and was super stoked to be interviewed for DEAD AIR HARDCORE RADIO on KGRG a while back. This is a lot less obnoxious than the CMHWAK interview I did the other day, and a lot closer to what I am actually like IRL. Which probably also makes it more boring (via my dull personality).
Download here from Mediafire, or listen below on Jewtube!
part 1/3
part 2/3
part 3/3
In b4 I sound like even more of a phaggot in this interview
Generally speaking, I avoid posting about anything metal-related, primarily because I don’t want to attract metal fans and all their excessively strong, unsolicited opinions and butthurt, humorless comments. But there are exceptions to every rule (via cliches), and there are some things that just can’t be passed up.
Is this how I sounded in the CMHWAK interview? What can I say, we are both West Coast bros who like to get down like that.
This retrospective on Christian hardcore and metal by former Tooth & Nail/Solid State A&R Roy Culver is one of those things. It features a bunch of sweet bands like LIVING SACRIFICE and BELIEVER, but most importantly it includes a look at Roger Martinez of VENGEANCE RISING, who went full retard in spectacular fashion (and I predict many of today’s metalcore4christ icons will follow in his footsteps, via extremism and immaturity):
After the release of Once Dead, the band’s second record, everyone left Vengeance Rising except Martinez who would go on to release a record called Released Upon the Earth. It was shortly after the release of this album that Roger began speaking out against Christianity, the church, his former band-mates, his record label and calling himself a Satanist and/or an atheist (they were one and the same in the circles he used to run in) depending on which interview you read. Sometimes he was lucid but more often than not he sounded insane as he made threats to hurt if not outright kill the people he formerly played music or worked in ministry with.
Read more here, and also check out Roy’s excellent “Best of Solid State” post!
I’ll be honest, I am not a huge fan of holidays in general. I like the part where you don’t have to go to work/school, but for the most part I’m just reminded of all the annoying, embarrassing, painful things that seem to happen to me on every single holiday.
For example, Valentine’s Day. On paper, it sounds great. In practice, it doesn’t exactly live up to the expectations of a generation of girls raised on “The Notebook,” and usually ends with some combination of tears, yelling, alcohol, and blue balls. Or maybe I’m just a fuckup and I’ve been doing it wrong all these years, who knows!
Here’s a few different ways I’ve spent holidays, you be the judge (all 100% true):
But you know what?? In spite of all that, I’m still a romantic at heart! I may have been through a few heartbreaking moments, but I’m still a big teddy bear– call me old fashioned if you want, but I just couldn’t stop myself from including a special message to my number one girl Jess Bowen. Maybe if we all tweet this at her, she will finally see how much I care!!!
Dear Jess: You have the ability. You are good and lovely. I love you.
How will you be spending V-Day?? Does anyone other than 14 year-old girls actually look forward to it?? Wood u WK Jess Bowen until she put a restraining order on you???? U mirin my successful life choices???
“music means everything 2 us // u guise r family this moment is so amzing”
It hurts to say, but lettuce be reel: easycore is on life support. For a minute it looked like it was going to be The Next Big Thing, but the unfortunate reality is that most of the OG EZ bands have either broken up or turned into srscore/tr00 pop-punk :( Other than a handful of bands like City Lights and In Her Own Words who are keeping it real, new easycore bands are few and far between and I’m always stoked when I discover an easycore band that I somehow overlooked. Sort of like on Antiques Roadshow when the guy is like “OMG this is the most pristine Victorian buttplug I have ever seen, the brass is barely tarnished!”
Which brings me to MAJOR LEAGUE, who have me very conflicted. I really WANT to like them, but I can’t tell if I should… review the evidence below and tell me what you guise think. Halp!
Check this video out and you’ll see why I’m so conflicted. The music is totally on point, really good easycore/pop-punk but MY GOD THESE FRIENDZONE LYRICS:
I stole some pictures from your scrapbooks to take with me
So I feel like I’m safe at home
It’s like I’m in your room when I can’t sleep
But this time it’s the passing lights that are from the road
I’ll write you a letter once a week
To let you know where we are and what I’ve been thinking
Please don’t forget to write me cause I can’t stand this separation
The last line is literally one small step from PLEASE RESPOND, not to mention the generally strong stalker/10 vibe: (Silence Of The Lambs voice) “No, it’s fine… stay out at last as you want. I’ll be right here waiting for you, looking through your scrapbooks.”
Again, totally feeling the music but really, really struggling with the lyrics, which seem to be about getting friend-dumped by your (male) bff. It sucks when you grow apart from your friends and all but this makes me feel super awkward like if your bro suddenly broke down crying in front of you and asked you to hold him. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since they ARE from New Jersey, the home of friendzonecore.
I think I’ll just stick to their first EP, when they still had double bass and breakdowns… that awkward moment when you are non-ironically the “No breakdowns? Not music” kid :/
In b4 tr00 pop-punk girl holds these up in her next video
You can only imagine how excited I was when I saw an email from our bro Albert at Decibel entitled “Guttural slamming hip hop” arrive in my inbox. I eagerly opened it and read the body of it, which was from some guy named FM HAIVALA who claims to play “gutt-hop.” Could this be the guy to finally pull it off??? I could hardly wait to listen! Unfortunately, my excitement faded the second I pressed play: it’s absolutely awful (shocking, right??).
This is his “best” song, but only because it sounds pretty much exactly like my favorite Brokencyde song, “Bree Bree” (but much shittier):
Now that I think about it, it was actually pretty next-level that Brokencyde were doing rap songs about pig squeal vocals 5 or 6 years ago. Respect.
This song is shockingly bad, but props for the legit pornogrind-style logo! It’s like halfway between Nuclear Death and Demilich‘s, but also much shittier.
I want to love that this exists, and I’m definitely feeling the super-creepy, basement dwelling compulsive masturbator vibe that brings to mind all those “I’m beginning to think these guys might actually be pedophiles” bands like Impetigo and The Meatshits. Sadly, it pretty much just sounds like really bad Myspace crunkcore from 2007 and I feel like the world might be better off without it :(
I feel like I should include what was probably the first attempt at GUTTURAL SLAMMING HIP HOP, from wigger slam legends ENTORTUREMENT way back in 1998. It’s also pretty terrible and lulzy, but I admire their lack of fucks given!
To call Mike Smith from Suffocation’s rap project GRIMM REAL “good” would probably be a stretch, but I’m not going to hate on that “Liege of Inveracity” loop! Some of the other songs have blast beats in them, but I’m too lazy to find them.
If you’re excited for the potential of GUTTURAL SLAMMING HIP HOP but also aren’t feeling this stuff, watch this space. Stay tuned for an exclusive premiere from DEPRESSED TEENAGER that will deliver the goods!
