BROKENCYDE’s crowdfunding campaign is a bummer

As you have probably heard by now, BROKENCYDE launched an Indiegogo campaign to raise $30,000 to “escape the clutches of their label” or whatever and release/market their next album DIY. I wasn’t originally going to post anything about this, but since people keep blowing up my inbox with links about it, I guess I have to.

I wasn’t going to post anything for the simple reason that I have less and less interest in kicking people when they are down. I think it’s kind of sad and gross how much “music blogging” and internet content in general essentially comes down to either shitting on someone successful and trying to bring them down, or finding someone who is already down and gloating at their failure (eg all the gross delight people took in Scott Stapp and Amanda Bynes’ public meltdowns).

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As you can see, they have more than a little ground to cover in the next month :/

With that said, I don’t really have any clever, snarky remarks to make about this because it kinda just bums me out as an extreme and genuinely sad version of “they’re still a band?!” At least in the case of a lot of those bands, you can look at the guys in the bands and imagine a future in which they get their head out of their ass, man up, and get a real job where they could have a decent career– all it takes is the willingness to let go of their stupid dream of playing in a band for a living.

But in the case of BROKENCYDE, it’s much harder to imagine that. I have met and hung out with these guys a few times, and although they are actually nice, chill guys, “smart” is definitely not among the words I would use to describe them. Watch the video above and it will become very obvious that they just fundamentally don’t understand how the world works. For example the part at :45 where they (correctly) say that “Labels are like banks, they give you money to record, market and all that hibbity-jibbity. This is great, but before we get any money for our hard work, they have to get paid back. By the time this gets paid back, we are left with nothing.”

Rather than do what a businessperson would do, which is to take a step back and think about how to make their venture generate an amount of revenue such that they would repay their investors and get some income for themselves, their proposed solution is that instead of paying back a label for the costs of recording and marketing an album, you should simply GIVE them the money and kiss it goodbye. Not to mention the fact that you can easily record music like theirs in a home studio for free, and that it takes nowhere near $30k to market an album (for example, that is enough to buy well over 6 million banner ad impressions).

I am genuinely not trying to be harsh or critical here– I sincerely think they don’t understand how dumb this sounds. It’s like if you tried to ask a child to come up with the blueprints for a suspension bridge, they’d probably come up with something involving Pokemon and lasers because those are the limits of their intellectual capacity. It bums me out because these guys are getting dangerously close to 30, and Seven has a son now… it’s time for them to look into plan B, and I think they don’t really have one.

band-cool1-500x374

If you go back to my “Being In A Band Is For Losers” post from a couple years ago, you will see that they are somewhere between points D and E right now… I hope for the sake of them and their (*cough*) children that they prove me wrong, but I am not so sure that’s gonna happen.

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CHEAT SHEET 4 STARTING THE NEXT HYPE HARDCORE BAND

hype hc

One of the most common mistakes that entry-level investors make is plunging into the market after a boom, only to sell again in a panic when prices inevitably fall. For example, all the poor kids who lost big investing everything they had in the 90s death metal bubble of 2014 when The Next Big Thing is already arriving: 90s “funky alt-metal.” If you are panicking because this caught you off-guard by the OSDM crash, don’t worry!! This is your guide to everything u need to know to invest early and start your own hype band– buy low, sell high!!

You think I’m joking, but if someone said that this DOG EAT DOG song was from the upcoming TURNSTILE album, who would doubt them??

1. GET THE RIGHT LINEUP OF ZANY INSTRUMENTS
The usual guitar/bass/drums/vocals lineup just isn’t going to cut it: you’re going to need to add some zany instruments like a DJ (ala MORDRED) or a horn section (ala DOG EAT DOG). Slap bass is also a must (ala INFECTIOUS GROOVES, PRIMUS, etc).

tbh i am kind of shocked that TURNSTILE doesn’t already have a DJ…

Ideally you want at least one black member (on bass or turntables, of course), but if you can’t find one that’s ok, just put a white guy in a bucket hat and it will work just fine. One thing to watch out for is that a lot of the guys in the original wave of funk metal bands were extremely good musicians, which is obviously not going to be the case for your band, so temper your expectations– if you try to play like INFECTIOUS GROOVES it’s just going to end badly.

don’t even bother starting your own turnstile-core demo, just download the UNCLE SLAM album and re-tag the MP3s with a new band name. kids will lose their shit and u will be signed to Reaper Records in no time

2. PRETEND TO LIKE THE BAD ALBUMS FROM ALL THE POPULAR CROSSOVER BANDS
As most of you already know, 90% of 80s crossover/hardcore bands put out one or two sick albums, then a seemingly endless stream of dreadful metal/hard rock albums that were universally hated at the time.

I will lay down $100000 right now that says PRO-PAIN is the CROWBAR of 2016 (ie, every 19 year-old on instagram’s new favorite band)

Pretending to like these albums– especially the ones with embarrassing funk elements– will be key to getting in early on the 90s alt-metal trend! In addition to the above examples, I also suggest forcing yourself to listen to SCATTERBRAIN, WHITE DEVIL, and the really bad funk-core TOKEN ENTRY album. If you don’t actually like them don’t sweat it, just make sure you post pictures of the cassettes on your instagram.

UGLY KID JOE have it all: the paper-thin Crate guitar tone, the riffs, and the look to match! Confession: I actually think UKJ are fucking awesome :(

3. GET THE RIGHT LOOK
2014 was all about the “Billy Madison” look: khaki shorts, baggy button-up shirt and weirdly fitting snapback. But if you want to fit in in 2015, you’re gonna need to step it up to the “early-90s white trash rocker from a C-level Headbanger’s Ball band” look. Key items to have are tight cuttoff denim shorts, long greasy hair, flannel shirt tied around your waist, and to REALLY complete the look, a vintage Corona baja jacket (just like the one that slutty white trash girl in my 8th grade class use to wear over her “Ride The Lightning” shirt and acid wash jeans):

baja jacket

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They’re Still A Band??! [2015 edition]

As someone who has been watching MMA for over 20 years, one of the hardest things to see is when a fighter who should have retired many years ago just won’t hang up the gloves and ends up being on the receiving end of one brutal, life-shortening beating after another because they’re just too stubborn to admit that their time is over. If names like Chuck Liddell, Jens Pulver, Stefan Struve, and Takanori Gomi mean anything to you, then you know what I’m talking about.

What’s perhaps even more sad is the musical equivalent: those bands that just won’t admit defeat and call it a day, that keep trudging on despite 5-10 years of irrelevance. Below are a few of the most shocking and embarrassing examples:

asd

A SKYLIT DRIVE
If u thought these guys were gone, u are very wrong: they are about to drop their SIXTH album (*crickets*). Also, their singer is now a personal trainer– all those shirtless selfies make Bryan Stars’ heart go pitter-patter!

VANNA
These guys are still around, although they only have 150k facebook likes- ouch. They have kind of rebranded themselves as a somewhat tr00 band (complete with cholo font even tho they’re from Maryland). Latest video is painfully corny, featuring the singer in a denim jacket and man-bun.

mcmb

MYCHILDREN MYBRIDE
You may remember these guys for that one “hit” they had in like 2007 with that one zany guy being all xD in the video, but they never really followed it up with anything. They have also rebranded themselves as mega-tr00, although despite their best efforts and being around for over a decade they still only have 15k Twitter followers :/ Look for them soon at a sparsely-attended show at your local 500-cap venue.

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HASTE THE DAY
Well I can’t hate on where these guys are at… despite a relatively paltry social following (227k Facebook, 17k Twitter), obviously someone cares: they raised $140k to record their upcoming album! I guess nobody told their fans that a band at their level can easily make an album for $10-12k but hey, I’d take their money too.

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I SET MY FRIENDS ON FIRE
These guys are still around, but seem to be on life support: they are down to one member, haven’t put out an album since 2011, and their facebook gets updated about twice a quarter. Too bad, I thought they were genuinely clever and talented– could have been a DETHKLOK-like phenomenon.

aiden

AIDEN
I thought this band died with Myspace, and was probably as surprised as you are to learn that not only are they still around but that they have released NINE albums O_o Their social audience is pretty sad, but I feel like their demographic (chubby girls with low self-esteem and social anxiety) monetizes really well so they at least have that on their side. Not bad for a tryhard kid from Northgate!

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EVERGREEN TERRACE
And finally we have this band, perhaps the saddest of the bunch. Not only is their social audience tiny (106k Facebook), the engagement is also sad– TWO comments?! Ouch :/ These guys are also on their sixth release… what is it with these bands and pumping out so many goddamn releases?!

I feel kind of bad writing this, and I am not trying to kick anyone when they’re down… I know it’s really hard to let go of your baby when you’ve been doing it for years. And for some of these guys, maybe the band is just a fun hobby and they don’t really care if it goes anywhere. All I’m saying is, don’t be Chuck Liddell… don’t keep getting in the ring, convinced that you’d still got what it takes to win the belt only to get viciously KO’d by someone 15 years younger than you (ie, ISSUES).

i wish they were still good

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SYWH At The Movies: Best Of The Aight 2014 Year End DTV Movie Review Extravaganza

Falcon Kick

Greetings once again faithful SYWHaters. First off, I’d like to express how good it feels to back, behind the keys as a contributing writer and also to be back home safely from my most recent deployment. As an avid film enthusiast, one of the things that sucked about being away for so long was missing out on big name theatrical releases. Our local Haji-Mart bazaars had an abundance of Russian camcorder bootleg DVDs for sale, but the quality usually wasn’t worth it. However, there was also a wealth of Direct-to-video films from far and wide available for my viewing consumption. You’ve no doubt seen plenty of year end best of lists for movies, music, TV and so forth, but I’ve decided to showcase some of my favorite DTV releases of the year that all you fellow generic action B-movie connoisseurs are sure to appreciate. I’ve also decided to indicate where the best money shot scenes are for each of these movies for the purposes of sharing to the masses. Sub par DTV fluff isn’t for everyone, so my guide will help you figure out what scenes to fast forward to on your next drunken Netflix/VOD streaming binge with the bros.

FALCON RISING

What better way to start off than with one of the kings of DTV ass kicking. The venerable dynamic talented Man Of The Year himself, Michael Jai White, stars in this tale of a traumatized war veteran who travels to the favelas of Rio De Janiero to seek vengeance on the gangsters who severely beat his aid-worker sister, in the process uncovering a dastardly Brazilian Yakuza human trafficking outfit and ultimately finding a reason to live on as Uncle Sam provides him with new purpose for his skills as a covert agent. Apparently, this is the beginning of a new DTV franchise, and I am supremely stoked about the future installments. I like how DTV movies can add some topical elements to their generic boilerplate plots and end up with something interesting; in this case, the characters explicitly mention how US government resources are weighed towards the middle eastern War On Terror efforts, leaving other overseas interests with sparse resources. There’s no better way to bolster your military might in a picturesque South American backdrop -and blow it all to smithereens- than with a metric fuckton of Black Dynamite!

Best Fight: 1 hr 20min mark
One bad guy ain’t enough to stop MJW, so skip ahead to see him battle the cliche corrupt cop, the badass right hand man played by renowned martial arts actor Lateef Crowder aka IRL Eddy Gordo, and the stereotypical Yakuza Boss who fights with a Katana in a 3-on-1 brawl for the ages. All you other wannabe action stars need to get on this level.

IN THE BLOOD

MMA superstar turned Hollywood starlet Gina Carano stars in this tale of a newly wed vacation gone to hell. The bad guy from Never Back Down who turns out to become a decent dude marries a beautifully deadly murder machine who got tortured by her biker gang leader dad as a kid because that’s how meth gang leaders do tough love or something. As it happens, marrying an emotionally scarred terminatrix can come in handy, especially when you get kidnapped, as this spurs The Bride onto a warpath of death and destruction as she pummels her way around Puerto Rico to find her man and get home alive. Carano has had moderate success in film thus far, as a femme fatale agent in the arthouse action flick Haywire and as one of the ever growing cast of bad-asses in the most recent Fast & Furious franchise entry. Oddly, homegirl can’t seem to act her way out of a paper bag, but she makes up for it with her uncannily stunning screen presence. Gina is very easy on the eyes, but has serious high level action hero physicality to match. And unlike other movie star heroines, you can buy the idea that she can beat up the guys because she is built like a sexy brick shithouse and applies her real world fighting acumen to the silver screen gloriously.

Best Fight: 12m 30s mark
Seeing Gina Carano shake it on the dance floor in a hot red dress is nice enough, but when she flips the switch to kill mode to fend of a bunch of dirtbags, the flurry of elbows, muay thai kicks, and panty flashes becomes a true thing of beauty worth the price of admission.

SNIPER: LEGACY

Gotta love them DTV sequels of major theatrical releases that expand on a movie universe, allowing for more interesting stories and balls out action (such as the recent dope ass Universal Soldier entries). This is the follow up to the not-really-a-reboot reboot Sniper: Reloaded, about the son of the original hero who gets trained as a sniper by Billy Zane’s character from the first movie. In Legacy, the Sam Worthington lookalike and his crack team of sniper badasses are on the hunt for a rogue sniper who is killing his former superior officers as vengeance for a disastrous botched mission from years ago. Things get truly real when the old man badass Tom Berenger himself returns, reprising his role as Master Gunnery Sergeant Thomas Beckett, the deadliest Marine sniper there ever was who up until now had been thought dead. Legacy takes advantage of its eastern European locations and hardware budget to make some quality action set pieces, eschewing stuff like “drama”, “story”, “military accuracy” for solid gun play. I don’t know about y’all, but if I’m watching a movie with the word “sniper” in the title, I’m there to see badass looking motherfuckers gettin their guns off, not some oscarbait flag-waving PTSD cryfest marketed towards yellow ribbon middle America christian soccer moms. I get enough of that shit during all the ceremonies and funerals I have to attend; bring on the squibs and headshots!

Best Firefight: 40m Mark
This big set piece battle is a perfect encapsulation of good DTV action; well choreographed and edited shooting, high body counts, and decent pyrotechnics. On top of that, there’s a duel between some qt7.62 sniper hotties, a spooky lookin brown terrorist duel-wielding machine pistols, and an angry British Operator yelling incomprehensibly. CODModern Warfare-core/10!

HE WHO DARES

Here’s a real budget bin action burner for you straight from the UK. The box art for this one says something like “A high octane mix between The Raid and Die hard“, which is kind of a weird statement since the former was heavily influenced by the later. In this installment of “Die hard In A…”, armed men have kidnapped the Prime Minister’s daughter in some busted parking garage, and only an SAS team led by a guy who looks like the TV version Highlander can stop them. By all rights this movie is terrible, with bad acting, action, and really annoying psychedelic distortion edits. But the saving grace is the turn of the lead villain played by Simon Phillips, who is apparently Britain’s answer to Robert Rodriguez. He plays the put-upon leader of bumbling terrorists to the hilt. In a way, there’s a weird meta-textual angle to the whole thing where he seems to be reflecting the struggle of an aspiring  writer forced to make some cheap DTV tripe, so hes trying to have fun with the whole ordeal as best he can while becoming increasingly flummoxed at how shitty things are turning out. As it happens, a sequel for this film is already completed titled He Who Dares: Downing Street Siege, which continues the ripoff-of-a-ripoff of Die Hard schema by directly copying the plot to Olympus Has Fallen/White House Down (which is weirdly ironic since the sequel to that first film which will take place in London is titled London Has Fallen and is in production as I write this) occurs months after the initial incident when the terrorists seize 10 Downing Street and hold the Prime Minister hostage, while the hero from the first movie who was trapped inside must save the day once again. The same failings and virtue apply to this budget sequel.

Best Villain Monologue: 1hr 5min mark of Downing Street Siege
In truth, any scene with the main villain Holt is the entertaining gem to find in these steaming piles. However, my favorite part is in the sequel during the cliched teleconference negotiation of demands between the villain and the top brass secret HQ. Midway through his ideological spiel, Holt stops in his tracks in bewilderment to berate the morbidly obese stenographer guy who appears in the background. Tied for my favorite villain teleconference speech of the year and legitimate comedy gold.

MONTANA

Our last selection also hailing from the UK plays like a riff on Leon/The Professional, but instead of a cold foreign assassin teaming up with a jailbait jewish princess, he befriends one of those scary black stick-up kids from Attack The Block. In fact, there’s several elements from a whole range of different movies thrown into the generic crime-thriller stew, to include bits from The Karate Kid (remake), Taken, Gran Torino, and a whole slew of British Gangster movies from back in the day up till now. Montana is a hard edged but affable teenage drug runner for a crew of criminals led by a former Serbian warlord. One day he gets double crossed by his would-be guardians, only to be rescued by the professional killer Dimitrije, who is seeking retribution against the gang lord who killed his family years ago. The two unite against a common enemy, master and pupil who form an unlikely but unbreakable bond in blood on their quest for revenge. It seems there’s was weird distribution process that somehow got this film a German Blu-Ray release months prior to it’s actual UK theatrical release. This film definitely has the highest production value of the lot and is the closest one on this list to a “real movie”, so if you Englandbros get a chance I recommend checking it out. Much like John Wick, which was a 5 star triple-A action movie trapped inside a 1 star crappy B-movie plot, Montana is definitely made for the DTV action aficionado.

Best Training Montages: 43m 32s and 52m 15s marks
The director of the movie stated in an interview that because of time constraints, the stunt coordinator trained the lead actor in all the martial arts choreography, who in turn trained the young co-star in all the moves, reflecting the real life student/mentor relationship between respected veteran actor Lars Mikkelson and newcomer Mckell David. Like I tell all my peers, people talk shit all the time about the “aimless post-millenial” youth, but if you provide purpose, direction, motivation, and earnest caring, they can accomplish miracles. It’s really nice for what could have a simple brainless action fest to have a real emotional core and thematic weight between all the gunshots.

So that’s my top picks from the bottom of the bargain bin for 2014. I’m sure there’s plenty more movies in your local shops or on Netflix that have been awesome yet overlooked, so please share in the comments your favorites of the year. It’s been a great year for movies, and any year you survive is more or less a good one, so I look forward to what 2015 has in store for us all. Peace.

Is digging through Walmart Blu-ray bargain bind the new digging through dusty LPs in a record store? Do you still use redbox? When is Netflix gonna get rid of DVDs altogether and finally put everything on digital? Did you pirate a stream of that movie about the assassination of Kim Jong Un to stick it to corporations and North Korea?

 

Posted in bargains, SYWH at the movies | Tagged | 32 Comments

tfw no ENTOMBEDCORE gf :(

nails meme

credit: http://moshpitapologist.tumblr.com/

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Will PALISADES be the next ISSUES?

palisades

If you read my 2015 State of The Scene Address, you already know that RNBCORE is about to be a big deal. In a nutshell, you can think of RNBCORE as “bands who want to be ISSUES,” mixing djenty riffs, breakdowns and 90s R&B vocals ala Justin Timberlake (examples: the new VOLUMES, THE BAD CHAPTER). ISSUES are far and away the best band in this genre, but new challengers are coming up every day– for example Rise Records’ artists PALISADES. Do they have what it takes to dethrone the kings??

Fig 1, their newest single, “Mind Games.” Notes:

  • First impression is, strong aesthetic. Love the matching outfits and subtle use of katakana– they just need to be careful with that because vaporwave is already almost played out, so hopefully they already have their next aesthetic planned.
  • Love the simple but effective video concept: band romping around downtown LA with a handful of nu-goth thots (one of which is Janice Griffith)
  • “Featuring” some guy named Champs. Not sure who he is– I’m guessing he is the “rapper” who comes in at 1:45 wearing rapist glasses and looking like a Lonely Island character. Unsure what he has done to make him worthy of a “feature” but ok.
  • They only have one light-skinned brother in the band (compared to ISSUES, who have two). Personally I would have made him the rapper, but whatever.
  • Only like 1:00 of this song actually has the whole band in it. What will the band do when they play this live? Awkwardly “rock out” like Austin Carlile does in the “Will You Still Be There” video?

Overall I give this a 7/10. I like where they are headed with it but the song is just OK. They have a good sound and image but they just don’t have the hooks that make ISSUES so sick– their first single is better, but still not quite there. It really just goes to show how hard it is to make pop music, which is basically what RNBCORE is– pop with breakdowns; like if bands did original songs for “Punk Goes Pop.”

girl who is hc for 6 months

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Bands u may have slept on: TONYALL (ffo DESCENDENTS, ALL)

All_-_New_Girl,_Old_Story_cover

With all the recent fawning over DESCENDENTS (entirely deserved imo), it’s kind of a bummer to me that ALL is mostly ignored since they were one of the most advanced bands of the 90s. I totally get it though, because they were definitely weird– DESCENDENTS are much more accessible and straightforward, whereas ALL sound more like a poppy version of VOIVOD than anything else (seriously– they totally sound like “Nothingface“). I love DESCENDENTS, but I’ll admit that I get a little butthurt by how little love ALL gets these days.

In any case, I just remembered a little gem from the ALL catalog that I never see anyone talk about: a 1990 side project called TONYALL, which is a bunch of songs written by original DESCENDENTS bassist Tony Lombardo and performed by ALL (with Tony on bass). If you like Scott Reynolds-era ALL, which imo is god-tier, then give this record a shot. I wouldn’t say it’s a classic necessarily, but if you’re an ALL fan, it’s worth a listen. A few of my favorite tracks:

“Guitar Case,” with Karl Alvarez on vocals. Probably the best/most accessible song on the album. Definitely could have been on one of the later DESCENDENTS albums.

“Casual Girl,” with Scott Reynolds on vocals. This song makes me think about what I call “tee hee girls,” which are those flightly, flirty white girls who every young guy has made the mistake of falling for (severe emotional pain to follow immediately after). If you have ever made the mistake of falling for a tee hee girl, this one will hit u right in the feels.

If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship that slowly died a painful death, this one will also punch you in the feels. TFW you feel it slipping through your hands but you can’t stop it and then it’s gone and

“At The Party,” another Scott track. Listening to it now, the lyrics are a bit cringey: it feels like Tony must have had extremely bad taste in girls at the time and didn’t understand that the problem was him, not them. Like, “Why do all these strippers, beauty school students, and bartenders keep breaking my heart?!”

im white and love this song

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2015 TREND REPORT: What unpopular 90s bands to jock for maximum merchswap cred

90s-Music

While all signs point to a neon/fun revival in the medium-to-long term, for now we are still deep in the 90s revival. With all the obvious bands like BIOHAZARD and MORBID ANGEL already played out among hardcore trendmasters, it’s time for us to start digging deeper for the Next Big Thing in 90s revivalism. Fortunately for you, I was there and I am here to help! This post is your guide to what 90s bands you should jock next– be the first kid on your block to pretend to like MORTICIAN!!!

Please note, most of these bands are very mediocre. That just it makes it that much more likely that merchswap losers will convince themselves that they are “amazing,” but I just wanted to go on record– wouldn’t want anyone out there thinking that I suggested CIANIDE was actually a decent band.

1. WEIRD/DARK/SPOOKY DEATH METAL

First up, we have DISEMBOWLMENT. I am actually surprised that the NAILS/HARMS WAY/INTEGRITY crowd hasn’t already latched onto this given that dull, repetitive industrial doom seems to be the Next Big Thing. I will be SHOCKED if this band doesn’t start getting hyped in 2015.

Just to give you an idea of how few musical choices we had back in the day, I actually listened to CANDIRU enough to convince myself that it was “pretty good.” For people who think GODFLESH is “too poppy.”

2. WEIRD METALLIC HC BANDS WHO WERE MOSTLY IGNORED

Along with MERAUDER and DARKSIDE NYC, STARKWEATHER were among the very first hc bands to go full metal. I personally couldn’t really get into them, but they deserve credit for being so far ahead of their time.

The original “hardcore kids who worshipped CROWBAR” were Reno’s FALL SILENT, way back in the mid 90s when CROWBAR were laughed at by hc kids and it was super uncool to rep them. This band is FUCKING AWESOME and if you don’t check out their whole album you are definitely missing out, hands down one of the best of their era and sadly underappreciated these days.

GRIMOCK = the original HARM’S WAY. Fucking crushing, perfect for lifting or spinkicking. Look for kids to pretend they were actually popular outside of their hometown (they definitely weren’t).

3. FAIRLY CRAPPY DEATH METAL BANDS WITH SLUDGY PARTS THAT SOUND LIKE HARM’S WAY

And up next we have the one and only MORTICIAN. Note, skip to about 2:45 to hear an actual song. This band’s incredibly irritating habit of using lame horror samples that last SEVERAL MINUTES may be an obstacle to hardcore kids. Or maybe they will think it’s cool, you never really know :/

GENERAL SURGERY were a groovy CARCASS-knockoff band from the early 90s that had an EP or two nobody cared about. With hc vocals I could totally imagine this being the next Deathwish band.

And speaking of mediocre CARCASS-knockoffs we have PUNGENT STENCH, who straight up sound like a poppier version of HARM’S WAY “Isolation.” Some really catchy groove riffs here (breakdown at 1:18). Also, I have to wonder if this CARCASS-style gore artwork will be a thing in hc soon??

To be clear, I think CIANIDE is absolutely horrible, but listen to these doomy sludgy riffs and you can easily imagine merchswap losers pretending to like them. I mean, they like BOLT THROWER so they’ll like literally anything, right??

 4. DM BANDS THAT WERE ACTUALLY GOOD SO HC KIDS WILL PROBABLY NEVER LIKE THEM BUT U NEVER KNO

MALEVOLENT CREATION’s 1995 album “Eternal” is some of the moshiest 90s dm you’ll ever hear, catchy groove riffs for days that the kids could easily steal. You might be put off by their… *cough* politics though: they drop the n-bomb on this album and the singer used to wear a shirt with a Klansman on it that said “The REAL Boyz N The Hood”.

I really cannot rep DIM MAK hard enough. As you may know, they’re essentially RIPPING CORPSE with 1 different member and pretty much pick up where they left off. It’s definitely not for everyone– this band is weird. Some of the best metal/hardcore drumming I’ve ever heard (this was Dave Witte’s favorite drummer as a kid, and you can tell) and a really odd, unique style of riffing. Good luck trying to copy this, kids!

Another sick, underrated NJDM band is MORTAL DECAY. That Ocean County style of groovy death metal never gets old to my ears and these guys pioneered it. Also, the drummer did porn back in the 90s, so if you want to see his dick it’s on VHS somewhere out there.

Since the mid 90s, I have wondered why moshcore kids aren’t into HEMDALE. Crushing downtuned, doomy groove riffs for days– copy them now before goregrind becomes the next big thing!!

Posted in bands 2 watch for, Uncategorized, what we think about stuff | 87 Comments

The latest documentary fawning over the 80s DC hardcore scene is out

SaladDays_vol1

It took me a while to understand why the 80s DC hardcore scene is so popular with alternative white ppl/whole foods customers/ppl who ride bicycles. I mean don’t get me wrong, I like MINOR THREAT as much as the next guy and probably like DAG NASTY significantly more than the next guy, but it always kind of baffled my why they fixated on this scene in particular rather than the larger ones at the time like Los Angles, Orange County or NYC. Whenever you meet someone who is old and completely out of touch with current music, yet has excessively strong opinions about “punk” (or as they often say it, “hardcore punk”), they are inevitably huge fans of the Dischord scene and usually know very little about any other facet of punk. It never quite made sense to me until I watched this trailer for “Salad Days,” the latest documentary where old ppl talk about how “amazing” and “groundbreaking” the 80s DC hardcore scene was:

All the typical elements are present: black and white photos that make it look like every show was amazing, old ppl saying dumb shit about how “those weren’t SHOWS, those were WARS!!!,” etc. Yawn. But at :53, Brian Baker (who I have always found to be the voice of reason) drops a knowledge bomb: “It’s not a working class city. So that’s why our punk rock didn’t sound very working class.”

It’s very simple now that I think about it: alternative white ppl who shop at Whole Foods, listen to NPR and think Pitchfork is the arbiter of taste love the Dischord scene because they can see themselves in it– in contrast to say the LA or NY scenes who were largely driven by people who were truly damaged and probably should have been institutionalized or incarcerated.

While GG Allin was throwing his own shit at people, Darby Crash was ODing, and Vinne Stigma was living in the park next to a burned out trash can, the people in the DC scene were starting the “Revolution Summer”– the first time in which people decided that punk rock wasn’t about living fast and dying young, it was about alternative white people gathering en masse to crusade on behalf of oppressed minorities. Squarely in the wheelhouse of the Ikeacore crowd!

The other thing I realized is that the NPR/Noisey crowd’s pathway to “punk” wasn’t like most of ours: most of us probably started out listening to thrash, death metal, etc, whereas they probably heard about the “legendary punk band FUGAZI” through some entry-level media outlet like Pitchfork, MTV, NPR, Rolling Stone, etc. And when it comes to mainstream-alternative/cooldad icons like Henry Rollins and Dave Grohl, the DC scene has that on lock.

Anyway, just my rambling thoughts. If you know any chubby white guys with a beard and low testosterone who use the term “hardcore punk” and claim to love it but do not actually like anything remotely close to actual hardcore, they will probably love this film!

hc bands hate white ppl

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TDWP to play “Zombie” EP in full on their next tour

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Translation: “nobody cared about the records we did after this, so we’re just gonna give the kids what they want.” While it’s a bummer for them, props to Mike for admitting what is obvious. Like how all the 80s hair bands who followed up their big hit with several crappy albums that flopped, until finally they were just like “fuck it,” and settled with playing their old hits at casinos and county fairs. In the business these are called “legacy acts,” which is a nice way of saying “washed up bands who still make a nice living playing their old shit to old people in B markets and off-brand venues.”

See also the “anniversary tours” from the likes of HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS and SENSES FAIL– are we seeing the beginning of the “scene legacy acts” market develop? And where will it end? How long until ATTACK ATTACK reunites to play “Someday Came Suddenly” from start to finish at the Kitsap County Fairgrounds next to the funnel cake stand, right after SUGAR RAY’s set??

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