more evidence of the impending neon revival: SILVERSTEIN’s new website

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Only thing that could have made this more perfect would be a zany genre description like “crunk / reggae / grindcore”

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Jello Biafra goes on longwinded, cringy rant about selfies

feeling super embarrassed that not only does grandpa jello have an excessively strong, unsolicited opinion about selfies, he can’t even figure out how to take a horizontal video so it fits nicely on youtube. also the part at the very end where he calls it ‘farcebook’ *cringe emoji*


Posted in lulzy videos | Tagged , , , , , , , | 74 Comments

BREAKING NEWS: ENPEDESTALMENT releases new single “DICKSQUAD” *please read*

(ft Samantha from GUTTURAL SLUG on vocals)

If u love Sergeant D and controversial new artists ENPEDESTALMENT, please visit them on Bandcamp and purchase one of their releases (we recommend the ENPEDESTALMENT/DEPRESSED TEENAGER “Love Slam” split 7″). Please note that a real supporter of Sergeant D will *PURCHASE* his music, not simply take advantage of his willingness to provide free downloads!!!



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Holy fuck the TYLER CARTER track from “Punk Goes Pop” is soooooo good

There are very very VERY few people in -core bands who are what you could call “real musicians.” And by that I mean, people who could actually play music that will be enjoyed by a fanbase other than teenage girls with low self-esteem who are looking for a strong male figure in their lives– you know, REAL MUSIC like they play on the radio. Our boys in ISSUES are among that select group of ‘real musicians’, driven in large part by TYLER ‘The Scene Game Justin Timberlake’ CARTER’s unreal vocals.

This PARAMORE cover from “Punk Goes Pop Vol 6″ (ft Luke Holland from THE WORD ALIVE on drums) is straight up top 40 material, no joke. Could totally imagine this showing up on my Spotify “Teen Party” playlist, right next to TWENTY ONE PILOTS and IMAGINE DRAGONS. Ironically, it’s actually more pop than the original, which is kind of awesome.

Also, you’ll love the video which cuts between Tyler n Luke in the studio and them taking a break, letting off some steam by taking off their shirts and cavorting on the beach. Nothing like watching a couple good-looking young guys having some wholesome fun in the sun!!

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tyler n luke

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , , , | 37 Comments

Hipsters and art students have finally discovered early 80s hardcore *trophy emoji*

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some guy from a museum talks to some other guy who was in some band like 30 years ago about what things were like back when Ronald Reagan was president and how KISS is not a very good band

Of all the many, many enraging things about hipsters, perhaps the most irritating one is the massive gulf between how advanced they THINK they are vs how advanced they ACTUALLY are. For as much as they seem to think they are way ahead of the curve, in reality they are laughably out of touch with stuff that’s actually relevant. For example, they’ll act like some local indie rock band who always plays at the dive bar down the street is the shit but they’ve never heard of 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER– I literally think that middle school girls on Tumblr are more advanced than twentysomething hipsters. I mean, at least middle school girls actually know what’s popular.

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Henry Rollins is the punk equivalent of Al Bundy– I mean, the guy was in Black Flag for like 5 years and he’s been boasting about his ‘glory days’ for decades. He’s literally spent 6 times longer TALKING ABOUT Black Flag than he did playing shows with them. Leave it to NPR to act like shit that happened at a Black Flag show in 1983 is breaking news!

Along the same lines, it annoys me to no end how hipsters have recently discovered 80s hardcore and all of a sudden they’re the authorities on what REAL hardcore is. Like, WOW congratulations on discovering super obscure bands like BLACK FLAG, THE DESCENDENTS and NOFX! Congratulations on listening to shit that I was bumping in my walkman in like fucking 1990.


LOL @ mixing JAWBREAKER in with BLACK FLAG and DESCENDENTS. I love this kind of totally lulzy lack of historical awareness– you can totally tell this is some tool who learned about “real hardcore” from reading pages. why not throw an OFFSPRING sticker on there too lol

Or like how crappy, entry-level publications like The Village Voice discovered CRO-MAGS in like 2012, even though they were too busy fawning over SONIC YOUTH or LYDIA LUNCH to write a word about CRO-MAGS, AF, or YOUTH OF TODAY when they were actually relevant. They wouldn’t touch any of that shit with a 10 foot pole in the 80s, although you’d never know it from how they crow about those bands (using lots of ‘rock journalist’ words like ‘seminal’ to describe them).  But they don’t let being 3 decades too late to the party stop them from getting up on their high horse and lecturing you about what is and is not *real* punk!


Danzig jokes in 2014?! are u fucking cereal?? to put in perspective how stale, played out, and entry level this is, making jokes about Lance Bass being gay or doing your Napoleon Dynamite impression would be a full two decades more relevant than Danzig references in 2014.

Never thought I’d see the day when hipsters were jizzing over PANTERA, but here we are. what a time to be alive.

I think what it comes down to is that hipsters are weak, insecure people who are afraid to like anything until the dust settles and it’s clear what is and isn’t acceptable to like (especially since their whole identity is based on what kinds of media they consume). That usually means that they only like old stuff, or new stuff that blatantly copies old stuff (“we don’t pay attention to what’s trendy these days, our influences are bands like [some boring shitty dad band from 30 years ago]– you know, REAL music”). Which is why you get fat old hacks from NPR and the Smithsonian showing up 30 years late to the party– can’t wait for them to call ASKING ALEXANDRIA “seminal” in 2044!


Posted in what we think about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 74 Comments

PAPA ROACH sounds like a risecore band now

Be sure to catch them on CROWN THE EMPIRE’s upcoming headlining tour with support from EXOTYPE and DANGERKIDS (not actually but wouldn’t be surprised if that happened).

Posted in bands who used to be popular | Tagged , , , , | 39 Comments

BMTH has a new song and it sounds like something from a Vin Diesel movie trailer

Totally picturing this blaring in the background as a montage plays of Vin Diesel and Eva Mendez kissing passionately, then pulling out Uzis and standing back to back as they waste swarms of bad guys.

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , | 38 Comments











meme10credit: futuremememachine

Posted in lulzy pictures | 38 Comments

LIFE ADVICE: How not to fuck up school and/or your career


One of the few things in my life that I’ve managed to NOT fuck up is my career. I’m not swimming in cash or anything, but I get paid more than most of your parents do for a cool job (working with bands like Periphery, Converge, BTBAM, Dillinger, etc) which is something not a ton of people can claim.

That said, I did come very very close to fucking up my career when I was younger, and since I get a lot of questions about this, here is what I have learned about how to play your cards in college or in the beginning of your career. In more or less chronological order, here you go– print this out and put it on your locker!


as my old CEO told me, “go ahead and get an mba if you want to. but don’t expect anyone to care about it, because they probably won’t.”

Your major doesn’t (usually) matter
Aside from certain fields that require technical knowledge (accounting, finance, engineering, etc) it’s really not important what your major is in. Nobody will give a fuck. I certainly recommend majoring in something like business, IS/IT, or computer science where you will learn practical skills, but if you didn’t then don’t worry about it.

Your resume doesn’t really matter either
People don’t read them for the most part. The only time where they kinda matter is when you are applying for a job at a big company that scans your resume for keywords. So yes, you should get your resume in good shape (making sure to include any relevant keywords) but don’t obsess over it. Nobody ever got hired because of their resume!!

rap songs about grinding and entrepreneurship >>>>>> pop-punk songs about not fitting in at college 

Networking >>>> everything
So if school and your resume don’t really matter all that much, what does? Networking! Every non-deadend job I have ever had came through networking. Applying for jobs online is fine but it’s pretty much useless you will just be one of 90000 other resumes sitting in a pile, and as I said above, people don’t really read resumes. The way you will cut to the front of the line is by knowing someone at the company, because people are lazy and why would some HR person take the time to look into 50 candidates they don’t know when they could just hire the person that a highly respected person at the company referred to them?

If you are freaking out because you aren’t the most social person in the world, don’t sweat it. I am not a natural networker or anything close to an extrovert. As evidenced by the 1600 or so posts I have done for this blog about weird music nobody cares about, I am what you might call an “indoors kid.” But I have forced myself to at least get decent at networking over the years, and it’s paid off bigtime

I highly suggest the book “Never Eat Alone” to learn more about networking, it helped me a lot. Basically, your goal should be to make as many (genuine) connections as you can because you never know how or when they’ll come in handy. For example, I ended up getting a job doing marketing for Abercrombie & Fitch through a guy who read my old metal blog. You never know!

Get a “name value” job on your resume ASAP
The one thing that DOES make a difference on a resume is having some kind of A-level name on there. When you are first starting out, try to get in somewhere with name value. A shitty job at a name-value company will do more for your career than a really great job at a no-name company. Again, people are stupid– they’re not going to dig into the details of your resume, they’re just going to skim it and if they see a name they recognize then you win.

Words of wisdom from my friend Steve Rennie, who managed Incubus for 17 years and is a total asshole in the best way. Check out more of his videos for laughs and inspiration!

Creative jobs aren’t always that creative. Cool jobs aren’t always that cool.
I’m betting that a lot of people reading this want some kind of a “cool” job, like working for a label or a skate company or an apparel company or maybe being a graphic designer at a cool young agency or whatever. Well, be careful what you wish for because you might get it– and when you do, you might not like what you find.

The reality of most companies in the music/action sports/youth culture scene is that they pay for shit and everybody there other than the owner is a fucking idiot. For example, the people doing marketing at [cool surf clothing brand] probably make like 50% of what their counterparts at say Procter & Gamble or Time Warner do. It’s simple supply and demand: the schmucks who run the surf brand know that there is an endless supply of kids who will accept lower than average pay for the “privilege” of working for their “cool” company. And I can tell you from experience, the novelty of working on something “cool” wears off very quickly, then all you’re left with is a bullshit paycheck.

And as far as graphic design or photography goes, if you have the dream of making your living designing things like merch or album art, then you better be REALLY fucking good and REALLY fucking lucky because there are literally a handful of people who actually manage to pull that off. It’s statistically even less likely to happen than playing in a band for a living. Is it possible? Sure. But are you willing to put in the work to make it happen? Probably not.

Some great advice from the legendary Jack Welch, one of my personal heroes. “The Welch Way” podcast is HIGHLY recommended.

Climbing the ladder is mostly about whether people like you
You’d think that it was about being good at your job, but it’s not. Don’t get me wrong, being good at your job certainly helps. But there are PLENTY of people who are good at what they do but don’t climb the ladder because nobody likes them. And guess what, when people don’t like you they’re probably not going to give you a lot of opportunities.

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Check out the AIGA’s salary survey for some inconvenient truths: designers are close to the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to money and power

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Note that this is 37.5% higher than what a designer makes, even though the designer is the one who actually does the work. But the account manager brings the work in, which means they are closer to revenue and therefore gets more money and power.

Put yourself close to revenue
My final piece of advice is that you should always work to put yourself as close as possible to revenue. What I mean by that is, you want to be in a role where you can directly show that you make the company money: sales, marketing, finance, etc are classic examples of this. It’s pretty simple: people who are close to revenue get paid more and have more power than people who aren’t. If you don’t want to be in one of those roles, then align yourself closely with the people who are. For example, if you are a designer, then be the account manager’s favorite designer.

Posted in advice | 124 Comments

CANE HILL: world’s first COALCHAMBERCORE band??

cane hill band

shuddering with douchechills @ the singer’s scott stapp pose & leather jacket

We all know that the nu-core movement has been in full effect for a while, but for the most part that has been limited to copying SLIPKNOT and throwing in some bounce riffs here and there. Not my favorite trend in the world, but so far they have avoided what is by far the most nu-metal trope: the thing where the singer is like “watch out, i’m CRAZY!!! don’t mess with me cuz i might SNAP!!! I can’t control myself because im so KRAZY!!!!!!” (often followed by super-contrived, cringy fake laughter)

Well, until now that is, courtesy of new Rise signees CANE HILL who have gone full COAL CHAMBER in their new single/video “Sunday School.” Notes:

  • when I googled their name I found out that Cane Hill is apparently some famous asylum in the UK that looks like the set of every crappy straight-to-netflix torture porn movie ever. i am sure they can’t wait to talk about this in interviews so everyone can GET A GLIMPSE INSIDE THEIR TWISTED MINDS!!!!
  • super generic church set made me expect an “evil doll” character to appear at some point
  • 2:45 the “krazy guy muttering disturbing stuff” part comes in and they go full DOPE/DEADSY. expect them to have matching jumpsuits by this time next year.

king of betrayal

you know how sometimes you will see graphic designers post stuff on their facebook or instagram like “This design is for sale!” and it will just say “BAND NAME HERE” on the design? I feel like that’s where they got a lot of these designs from. The Breaking Bad-style one is especially brutal. feels like it should be in some Ocean City boardwalk t-shirt shop next to one that says “SWAG POWER”

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , | 76 Comments