AE WORLD IS BACK BITCHES

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One of SYWH’s most beloved pop icons Anthony Evans (AKA METROSEXUAL MUSCLES) is BACK! But now he’s performing under a new moniker… ANTHONY JAMES. This time he has relocated to everyone’s favorite state NEW JERSEY to continue pushing towards his dreams. The glory days of him playing in School Boy Humor and supporting Artist Vs Poet in a 2 week mini-tour are long behind him now, but still he persists to accomplish his goal of becoming (in his own words) “as big as Justin Bieber!”.

NEW NAME, NEW TUNES, NEW CRIB. AE WORLD 2.0

This infectious track shows that AE world (now AJ world) is still on his A-game. It’s about a girl that he likes but he doesn’t know why he likes her cause she’s got that special something that makes all the metrosexuals go cray. Looks like he’s still diesel as fuck too, Alex Bigman told me that he lost to him in an arm wrestling competition once (srs).

AJ world is on his club banger shit for this one! The hook on this is hot and the rap part is even better. Wtf is up with that arm pit hair at 0:37 though Anthony? I thought you shaved them shits clean? Still respect the god tier aesthetics tho.

In this, Anthony shows off his hot new crib. Shout-outs to Joyce for letting Anthony live in your basement! The decor is to die for!

How is he able to crank out this many quality music videos? Anthony James is quickly becoming the LIL B of the pop world. This song is about how he’s gonna take some girl to the TOP OF THE WORLD (AKA Joyce’s basement).

This video lets you take a sneak peak into the exciting world of AJ WORLD. Anthony introduces us to Joyce, the head bitch in charge, during one of their business meetings.

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                                           AJ even got his aunt reppin

For a deeper look into AJ WORLD, go follow Anthony on twitter. This boy is gonna blow up soon.

Posted in lulzy videos | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

MATTY MULLINS releases solo album that sounds like a crappy christian version of BRUNO MARS

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if u ever thought to urself, “i wish there was a band that combined the phony, insincere, lyrics that OF MICE & MEN write so that troubled high school girls with low self-esteem will tell them ‘u saved my life’ with a watered down version of BRUNO MARS,” then u are in luck, because Matty Mullins of MEMPHIS MAY FIRE aka the self-proclaimed ‘voice of a generation’ just debuted a solo album which is pretty much exactly that.

This is the first song. It is called “My Dear” and from what I can tell is written from God’s perspective (srs). writing AS GOD takes megalomania to a whole new level; i’m truly amazed and impressed that matty somehow managed to become even more arrogant than he was before. can guarantee u that he wrote the line ‘hold onto me when you think you’re sinking’ knowing that it would make every middle school girl with a shitbag dad who is desperately looking for some kind of strong male figure in her life put him up on a pedestal, shower him with internet praise, and buy a t-shirt.

in this video, Keith Buckley discusses how matty got snubbed for AP’s “biggest philanthropist in the scene” award (srs)

I feel like they should write an article in Fast Company or something about this and coin the term “savior marketing” for this innovative technique. if ur an insecure person who is not that talented but cannot survive without the validation of strangers (specifically, girls who are over a decade younger than u), just read my FREE ebook about SAVIOR MARKETING and u will have high school girls telling u that u ‘saved their life’ in 90 days or less– GUARANTEED!

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sauce: chris motionless (lol)

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

There is a new THE ACACIA STRAIN single, what do u think of it?

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When it comes to absurdly downtuned chugcore, I think “Wormwood” still holds the title for the pinnacle of the genre. Like all the best albums, it’s accessible and catchy [via retardedly simple chug riffs] but keeps things interesting with variations and layers of additional detail on top– like the BLINK-182 of moshcore. They lost me with “Death Is The Only Mortal,” which got way too skronky and weird, but they did gain themselves a good amount of IMN fans who naturally loved it’s “GORGUTS at half-speed” direction. And now they are back with a new single from their upcoming album “Comawitch” (which sounds like the name of some Decibel beard-and-vest-hipster-metal band):

I definitely like this better than “Death Is The Only Mortal,” but I can’t say that I think it’s amazing. That could be because they lost their primary songwriter, but it could also be due to me listening to metal and hardcore for 25 years and just being super jaded and not liking anything unless it is either about cute girls or there is a cute girl singing. IDK, I feel like both are pretty much equally likely.

Regardless, I salute them on the bold creative leap they took with this video: who would have ever thought of making a metal video where the band is playing in some dilapidated building with their instruments unplugged?! Hats off to the director of this masterpiece for his fearless willingness to go where nobody has yet dared to tread!

You can preorder “Comawitch” here

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , | 39 Comments

The sad tale of THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA

tdwp old

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Myspace, the scene was ruled by a quintet of Christian lads from Dayton, Ohio who went by the unlikely moniker of THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA. The scene-prophets held council and declared them the heirs to the throne, The Next Big Thing. But alas, it was not meant to be, and the prophecy remains unfulfilled. Sit back in the overstuffed, high-back leather chair next to the fireplace in your library, your faithful mastiff curled up at your feet as the cold winds of the moors rattle the shutters of your Victorian mansion, and read on for more details regarding the tragic tale of TDWP…

lms if ur still listening to “HTML Rulez D00d” in 2014

If u can remember back to 2007 or so, if someone asked u to bet on who would be the breakout scene metalcore band, the smart bet would have been TDWP. Sure, ADTR, BMTH, SUICIDE SILENCE and ATTACK ATTACK had their fans but TDWP were definitely at the top of the heap and rising fast. They had it all: the Rockett gear, the synth breakdowns, the zany song titles, and the legions of jailbait groupies. I saw them on Warped 2009 and they CRUSHED it– one of the biggest crowds I have ever seen at Warped. It seemed like they could do no wrong, but it wouldn’t last forever (*VH1 “Behind The Music” voiceover/montage sequence*).

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Fig 1: Compare the viewcounts of their recent videos with the ones from their Myspace-era peers BMTH… Even new kids on the block BEARTOOTH have them beat. ouch :/

Fast forward just a few years and the tables have turned: ADTR, BMTH and OM&M are all Billboard top ten #hardrock bands, and TDWP is in “oh, they’re still a band?!” territory. Even BLESSTHEFALL charted higher than TDWP’s last album, the BLESSTHEFALL is pretty much just the poor man’s TDWP (but importantly, with a much cuter singer).

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Fig 2: TDWP circa 2014. Not sheriff they dress like semi-employed drifters as a fashion statement, or if they actually ARE semi-employed drifters 

What caused this sad fall from grace? The fact that they look more like smelly vagrants every year probably has something to do with it, given that their scene is and always has been more about how cute the singer is and how GIF-able his stage moves are than the music. But their music isn’t helping the cause: the crabcore world has clearly moved on to #hardrock, but they’re still playing Myspace-style Risecore with zero hooks.

That might have worked in 2008 when breakdowns were still at a premium, but the market for breakdowns bottomed out in the great scene crash of 2012 (“Is Glamour Kills too big to fail??”). Ironically, when I listen to TDWP’s newest album, it just kinda sounds like a BLESSTHEFALL knockoff band to me. Mb instead of writing lulzy pretentious books about their lyrics, they should have focused on copying LINKIN PARK and SLIPKNOT riffs like the rest of their genre was doing in 2013.

Fig 3: newish single, which pretty much sounds just like the old stuff except somehow less interesting

It also probably doesn’t help that they are signed to the post-Monte Conner version of Roadrunner, alongside other “oh THEY’re still a band?” acts like THE AMITY AFFLICTION and “halfway between Ozzfest and Mayhem” bands like HEARTIST, where you’re not really sure who actually listens to them aside from the fat girl who you always see wearing their shirt waiting for the bus across the street from your work.

Whatever the case, let this be a lesson: the scene is a cruel mistress. With one hand she gives, and with the other she takes away. Don’t let this be you– don’t be the last guy on the block clinging to outdated trends. If everybody else is doing something, you should do it too. If the other kids think something is cool, you should say that you think it’s cool too. Just go with the flow, or u could be the next vagrant passed out behind the Greyhound station telling every kid with tattoos who walks past how u were the synth player in TDWP for 3.5 shows.

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Posted in what we think about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 46 Comments

what do you bros think about the new FOUR YEAR STRONG EP?

fysThe whole ‘beardos wearing scene apparel’ aesthetic is so bizarre and will probably never be seen again.

Okay, so it was pretty much the general consensus (read: everyone) that the last Four Year Strong album SUCKED. To make matters worse, they released some whiny song along with a statement berating the people who lost interest in their band (that tends to happen when your band starts to suck, bros) and dedicating it to their REAL fans who have been there since the very beginning (LOL! They’ve been a band since 2001 and probably like 99.8% of their fans didn’t become aware of them until Rise or Die Trying came out, which was in 2007).

Despite all this fuckery, they are back and have released an EP that is kinda sweet.

The first song on the EP is the best IMO, and dat opening riff goes HARD. It is somewhat reminiscent of their older stuff but unfortunately I don’t think they’ll ever be as poppy as they were in their Rise or Die Trying era (who would’ve thought that a band selling out would = them getting less poppy?).

I’m a bit “eh” on this song. It’s not bad but it’s not great. The pre-chorus riff at 0:38 is pretty cool and the heavy part at 0:57 sounds like major key nu-metal (could this be early signs of a new genre in the works?).

This is definitely the most “punk” song on the EP and I dig it a lot. I kinda get A Wilhelm Scream vibes from it at times. It’s really sick in the chorus when it gets all heavy and EZ.

This is a solid pop punk song. I’m surprised they’re playing to crowds that big tbh. Or maybe they’re just waiting for The Story So Far to come on.

SO EZ. I love this. There are a good mix of poppy parts and heavy parts and it finishes the EP off nicely.

So it’s pretty clear that Four Year Strong are never going back to their synth leads, ultra-poppy Fall Out Boy style vocals and “stop everything that’s going on in the song right now and play a metalcore breakdown” sound but I think this is a pretty solid return after their atrocious dad rock album. What do U think?

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Posted in easycore, new jamz, pop-punk | Tagged , , , , , | 33 Comments

Do you remember SCENE GRIND??

grindcoreBack when I was an ignorant teenager, I was unsure of what the word “grindcore” actually meant. I always assumed that grindcore = scene grind and that’s it. You know the saying “ignorance is bliss”? Well this would be a perfect example of that saying having truth to it because once I discovered what “real” grindcore was, needless to say, I was not impressed. But this post isn’t about that so don’t worry. This post is about Fake Grindcore AKA scene grind, the only type of grind as far as I’m concerned.

Daughters wasn’t scene grind by any means but they were the most important progenitors of the scene grind sound so that’s why I’m including them first. Their songs were scattered and made little sense. Their fanbase consisted mainly of weird kids who would fear that awkward moment when the cute preppy girl who sits behind them in class asks them what they’re listening to and hones in by snagging an earbud.

Kissyface Fashion Faux~Pas had the scene grind sound down pat. Basically, taking the Daughters formula of spastic organized noise and adding some weird synth breakdowns. I remember seeing them live and the singer made an awkward speech at the end of their set. I don’t really remember what he was saying but I know he was rambling.

I’m not quite sure if Arsonists Get All The Girls were a scene grind band as much as they were a strange/experimental deathcore band but this is probably the only opportunity I’ll have to talk about them. 3:43 is one of my all time favorite synth parts in any song and those “synth drops” during the breakdown at the end are so sickkkk.

The Irish Front was another band that was kinda deathcore, especially in their earlier stuff, and I included them in my west coast deathcore post, but their later material is totally top tier scene grind. This video is a time capsule of the late 2000′s and it’s making me wish I could go back. Not sure if the drummer is wearing shutter shades ironically or not but does it really matter?

Okay, now we’re getting into some TROO scene grind. The opening riff/breakdown in this song makes me want to spin-kick a million innocents in the face. These bands tried to be as unpredictable and random as possible and a prime example of this would be little before 2 minute mark when it sounds like they’re building up to a really intense part and then they go into this soft melodic part for the next minute and a half.

The Crinn’s music was so fucking weird and disjointed that it made Daughters songs sound like well-structured top 40 hits. They are practically unlistenable in my opinion but a lot of kids ate them up for that exact reason. Come to think of it, they weren’t even really scene, but neither are half these bands probably so fuck it.

I don’t think I could possibly come up with a better example of scene grind than Dance Club Massacre. I even remember some IMN bashing them with a comment like “ugh, the members of this bands probably don’t even care about real grindcore”. You know you’re scene when you’ve garnered IMN disapproval.

I’m pretty sure WCWBT was just one guy and a drum machine and didn’t play any shows (cybergrind?), but I remember them gaining a decent following online. It makes sense cause this was back when scene kids just wanted to listen to the most br00tal/chaotic shit that they could get their hands on.

When I said I couldn’t find a better example of scene grind than Dance Club Massacre, I lied. See You Next Tuesday is the perfect example. They were the kings of scene grind IMO. My old deathcore band played our first show with them in the basement of a church in like 2007. We were embarrassingly bad. They killed it though.

I don’t even know if Psyopus had many scene kids in their fanbase as much as just kids who were weird enough to listen to their music. For some reason, the opening riff of this song ALWAYS gets stuck in my head. I don’t get it, it’s like the least catchiest thing ever. The total antithesis of a Cody Simpson song.

This post wouldn’t be complete without some DEEP CUTS courtesy of Canada. These guys were more proto-grind if anything, in the same vein as Daughters. I’m not even sure if “scene” was even a thing yet when this was released. Some dude lent me their CD like 10 years ago and I pretended to like it.

The Number Twelve Looks Like You were one of the first bands to do the whole scene grind thing. They took proto-scene grind sound and added br00tality and V-necks to it. Adding scene elements to any genre is pretty much guaranteed to make it better.

And now I’ll finish with what is probably the most successful scene grind band. This band was pretty popular in the late 2000′s and apparently they managed to survive past that era and still play shows to decent sized crowds. I don’t know what it is about them that made them so much more popular than all the other scene grind bands. Is it cause they had a bish on vox? Or maybe a catchier band name? I may never know.

What are your favorite scene grind bands? Are you one of those weirdos who actually considers this your favorite genre? Could a revival of this genre happen if they can possibly find a way to make it sound even weirder than it already does?

Posted in bands i like, bands i used to think were good, scene, scene music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 123 Comments

Record stores are sad, pathetic places for sad, pathetic people

hipster garbage bolt thrower

My mom always told me that usually the things we hate about other people are things that we actually hate about ourselves. And maybe she is right, because as a former comic book-collecting, wrestling-watching, metal-listening dork, there are very few things that I dislike these days more than geek culture, with any type of “collector” being at the top of the list. And hands down the worst kind of “collector” is the record collector [via pendatry and autism], as I was painfully reminded of this weekend.

clash blondie

the clash and blondie?? lmao, ok dad. i’m fucking 35 and this shit is laughably old and irrelevant to *me*, let alone the 19 year-olds who jizz over ‘vinyls’ (pronounced ‘vinnils,’ because they’re not old enough to have ever actually heard someone say ‘vinyl’ who was around when records were a viable format so they have no reference point for its pronunciation)

On Saturday, I went to a couple record stores for the first time in well over a decade (dragged there by a friend). The first thing that blew me away was that absolutely nothing has changed since I was spending my weekends digging through dusty bins of LPs and 7″ in the late 90s: it was literally the fucking same records I saw back then, only now they’re way more expensive. $24 for a reissue of the fucking CRUMBSUCKERS album?! And not even the sorta-good one, it was the shitty ‘speed metal’ one lol (‘b but its on 180g vinyl,’ the autist sputters). $30 for a bootleg, one-color SARCAFAGO shirt??! if you’re the sort of person who that appeals to, i’m guessing that your earning power is low enough that it takes you several hours to earn $30 and you probably shouldn’t be squandering what little money you have on band merch… but of course, if you were functional enough to earn more than $12 an hour, the idea of listening to HAWKWIND in 2014 would never even cross your mind.

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The biggest lol about ‘record collector’ culture is that they think they’re like these super cutting-edge hipsters who are on the bleeding edge of pop culture, when really they’re painfully out of touch and behind the times. The photo above is the actual wall from the record store I went to– I’m pretty sure the newest album in the photo is from like fucking 1991. I mean, I like a lot of those bands, but I was over that shit literally 20 years ago. brb i stopped listening to SEPTIC DEATH in the early 90s, I listen to *real* music now– shit that is actually relevant in 2014 like TSSF, ARIANA GRANDE, PERIPHERY and ISSUES. Of course the spergs who hang out at record stores have never heard of any of those bands, because they’re busy masturbating to re-issues of mediocre albums from 1988 that they’ve convinced themselves are actually listenable (hint: they’re not). fucking lol @ some skinnyfat loser with a beard having a superiority complex because he listens to obscure 80s music.

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Is this supposed to be funny? I don’t even get the point… is the guy in the red shirt supposed to some kind of pleb, and the guy in yellow is the cool guy who ‘has rly great taste in media formats’?? And is the last panel supposed to be some kind of punchline?? Autistic record collector vibe is strong here.

When I think about all the hours I spent in high school digging through dusty record bins hoping to find a copy of EXCEL “Split Image” (seriously, that was on my want list for *years*) instead of chasing girls, playing sports, or just hanging out with friends, it makes me want to go back in time and kick myself in the balls for setting my social development back by a good solid decade or so. And then when I think about how record collectors think they are the shit for owning a copy of some shitty old record, but are completely oblivious to any music that’s actually relevant today, I want to kick THEM in the balls.

Kids, don’t let this be you. Don’t spend your youth fawning over some idealized version of a music scene from before you were born. Listen to Spotify.

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Posted in what we think about stuff | 136 Comments

There is a new NEW FOUND GLORY song and its fucking awesome

As someone who grew up in the same “graduating class of hardcore” as Chad Gilbert (although I was a senior when he was a junior), I’ve always felt like I was cheering for the home team when it comes to NFG. I don’t know him, but we have a lot of friends in common, he seems like a solid dude, and NFG has been one of my very favorite bands for a good 15 years.

While it’s definitely surprising to see kids in 2014 jock NFG as hard as they do, it’s for good reason: the band has been fucking awesome since 1997, and judging by this song they show no signs of slowing down (link here in case the Youtube gets taken down). I have to give them some serious props for being one of the very, very VERY fucking few bands that actually keeps getting better with age.

The other thing I give them a lot of credit for is staying pop-punk while still carrying themselves like grown-ass men. Unlike, say, ALL TIME LOW who are approaching 30 but still sing about blowjobs to crowds full of middle school girls. I remember back in 2009 when I saw them with my friend Chris. I had just gotten dumped by my girlfriend of 9 years, and both Chris and Chad were going through divorces at the time. Chris is BFFs with Chad, so before they played “Don’t Let Her Pull You Down,” they gave him and everybody else dealing with divorce a shoutout. I don’t really ever gett emotional about stuff at shows, but that hit me pretty hard and really stuck with me.

That NFG could be super relevant to me at 20, 30 and 35 years old is pretty awesome, and they’re one of the few bands that I can say really “means something” to me. Super stoked on this song and I hope they keep crushing it for another 15 years.

keep-calm-and-listen-easycore

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , , | 33 Comments

if A DAY TO REMEMBER got wignorant, it would = this band

  • youtube username “illegal310″
  • appropriate wignorant band name
  • 0:05 screen goes black, very fitting
  • 0:10 nu-metal style rap verses
  • 0:20 standard ADTR chorus
  • 0:45 SIQ SLAMZ

Needless to say, I was very stoked upon discovering this band. But then I came to find that they’re not so much a band and more-so a mexican guy in knee socks.

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Is this a sign? Was ADTR’s sound not meant to be wignorized? Should I just keep my mouth shut in fear that this dude might roll up on me like his socks did to his lower legs?

ahkl2Nevertheless, this sound intrigues me. Check out A Hard Knock Life on Facebook and hopefully he will come closer to making this a real band so we can disrespect our surroundings with wiggerish arm movements.

Posted in bands 2 watch for, new jamz | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

YOUTHGROUPCORE is the best genre of music imo

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I’m not a Christian, but I always kind of wished I was. As someone who grew up in a family of drug addicts, losers and criminals, that stuff has never really been exciting or interesting to me. When 5 of your 8 uncles have done time and 2 of the other ones got killed, the novelty of “the dark side” kind of wears off, you know? I guess we always want what we don’t have, because even though I don’t believe in God, I’ve always admired and envied the Christian lifestyle.

“Living on the edge” doesn’t sound cool to me, it sounds stressful and humiliating. What sounds exotic and enchanting to me is being a middle-class white person with a 9-5 job whose biggest concern is whether to let his kids play M-rated video games. Like the Belgians who live out their fantasies about being cool American thugs by listening to Madball and Sworn Enemy, I live out my dream of being a boring G-rated suburbanite by listening to its official soundtrack: YOUTHGROUPCORE.

Let’s start with what I consider to be the posterchildren for YOUTHGROUPCORE, RELIANT K. Mainstays of the CD section at the Christian bookstore, if ur parents thought that GOOD CHARLOTTE was “too worldly” for u too handle, these guys were probably your introduction to the world of pop-punk-thats-not-really-punk-at-all. They’re so painfully dorky and G-rated that this song is about Sadie Hawkins dances– I love it!!!

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I am obsessed with the Christian Memes page. So advanced!!!!

“Life is good, eternal life is better” *crying with laughter emoji*

And then we have STELLAR KART, aka ”the Christian SIMPLE PLAN.” Gotta love them rocking the single-sweatband-on-your-forearm, bleached spiky hair, Dickies shorts and Atticus tee look in 2005, 5-7 years after it was even remotely acceptable in the secular world. But as we know from “the Christian/Euro rule,” those two demographics are always a solid half-decade behind the times so it totally works in their case.

Switching things up a bit, we have FAMILY FORCE 5, who are kind of like COBRA STARSHIP or 3OH!3 if everybody in the band was a home-schooled virgin. I’ve tried several times to get into this band but I just can’t. There’s nothing WRONG with their music but idk, it just doesn’t do it for me– maybe because I assume that songs like “Love Addict” aren’t about a girl they want to eff, they’re about being addicted to Christ’s love.

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A girl who listens to STELLAR KART, wears a purity ring, and apologizes for saying “frickin” = instantly wife

FM STATIC is actually a legit solid powerpop/rock band. You can think of them as the Christian MEST, but without the self-hatred and darkness that makes MEST attractive to fucked up losers instead of happy, well-adjusted teens who text their moms “just to say I miss u.” IDK that they’ll go down as one of my favorite bands of all time, but FM STATIC are definitely a cut above the rest. I’d also file HAWK NELSON under this heading– solid band.

While they’re a bit more on the ‘hard rock’ side of things we can’t talk about YOUTHGROUPCORE without mentioning SKILLET. The band is absolutely awful but their videos have 25-75 million views; it’s baffling how giant they are. Definitely a staple of the church scene, and a safe alternative to ‘worldly’ bands like FFDP (who use the ‘f’ word in several songs).

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Another band that transcends “adorably lulzy Christian music” status is MXPX, who are also pioneers of the whole “delicately avoiding the topic of whether they’re a Christian band or not” thing. This is so the secular kids will think they’re a secular band, but the Christian kids will think they’re a Christian band, and they can sell stuff to both markets. Bands like ATTACK ATTACK and BLESSTHEFALL later perfected this technique, but MXPX were among the first to do it.

Speaking of fake Christians, I feel like this is a good time to talk about how fucking awesome BLESSED BY A BROKEN HEART were. It’s really a shame that they got ghettoized into the Christian scene because the truth is that they were one of the most advanced bands of all time. Watch this video a few times because it’s almost impossible to catch everything in one go: the FF7 battle music, the Mortal Kombat movie clips, the Beverly Hills Cop theme, and not to mention that they were doing ESCAPE THE FATE before ESCAPE THE FATE (and much better imo). If you haven’t given this band a shot you really should; “Pedal To The Metal” is a fucking classic.

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Posted in what u do after school when u live in the suburbs, what we think about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 42 Comments