I wish this easycore video was a TV movie

Posted on May 9, 2012 by Save Parker

Sadly, the really hot chick is the only one not in this band. Not sure why they're there anyway.

Music videos are really short if you think about it. Less than five minutes is not a lot of time if you want to get a good plot in, which is why most music videos do not have a plot or at least not a good one. But some bands have a great plot, they just waste time with other unimportant shit. Which brings me to this video from April 2011 I just stumbled on…

At first I was like, oh its just them in a garage with really cheap cuts to the singer bro singing by himself (and a few to the other singer bro who looks like Mark Hoppus‘ son singing by himself). Standard band on a budget basic music video, I get it. But then it cuts to them rolling a dude in a shopping cart at the local Meijer, and I’m like, is this gonna be a zany hanging out with bros video? They do have a bro in a trunk and a Darth Vader mask for no reason. But then HALFWAY through the song it turns into the PG-13 EASYCORE PARTY video that I definitely would have wanted to see for an extra two minutes. And because they wasted so much time, all the major plot points are rushed.

They should have just gotten to the fireworks factory

They have to quickly introduce the only fat dude as the total douchebag character by just being fat, having a dumb greasy short haircut, and taking a bro’s drink and ‘acting all tough’, establishing him as the villain with no redeemable qualities that stands by himself cause no one likes him and they’re pissed he showed up. Then they immediately introduce the chill bro whose girlfriend is the only really hot girl at the party. Props to the editing bro for cutting out any clear shot of a girl over a 5. Next thing you know the fat asshole has won over the hot chick with a single head nod, and the chill bro punches his face when he sees his girl kind of touching his shoulders. Leads to a perfect a sync up with the ‘Payback’s a bitch, bitch’ breakdown line, and hot girl just shrugs and accepts that now she is with a fat asshole loser for the rest of her life and no longer has any friends. A harsh lesson learned. But it could’ve been so much better!

All morals are more clear after being sewn on a throw pillow

The hot girl could have been disappointed in the chill bro in the beginning for like forgetting their anniversary or something, the douchebag bro could have been invited by her in a ploy to make him jealous and ‘really appreciate her’, and he could have gotten thrown over the fence by everyone at the party’s combined hate for his douchebag ass after getting his face punched in. An ending where the girl and guy get back together would have made a lot more sense, but its clear from the bitter lyrics that the dudes in the band wanted her to suffer (AKA be with the fat asshole loser guy forever oh man do I hate him). Could have at least flashed to the future where she’s miserable rubbing his fat feet while he’s on the couch eating chicken wings and the chill bro is having a threesome with multicultural girls. Would have that message hit home lot harder. So many possibilities, so much wasted potential, so much hope for an hour long TV special on Nickelodeon (where instead of fighting they talk out their differences). If only those band bros didn’t get all up in the way of this beautiful story with their little garage practice and grocery store shenanigans :(

Would you watch this tale of betrayal stretched out for another forty minutes (plus commercials)? Whose idea was it to waste so much time dickin’ around with the band when they had that great plot written up? Should that hot bitch have reacted more than a little shrug when called a bitch and ditched by every single one of her friends for one fat loser? Don’t you just fucking hate that guy? ughhhh, wish that fight scene was longer. Its so cute how they just bought bottled water.

Posted in easycore, embarrassing, fat ppl | Tagged , , , , , | 21 Comments

How the fuck did I not hear KNOCKOUT KID until now?! #easycore

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Sergeant D

As u can see from this irreverent photoshoot, they are chill bros whose lives are so zany it’s basically like American Pie but in real lief

If you spend as much time looking for new easycore bands as I do, you’re no stranger to disappointment. For every sweet ez band you add to your ‘Songs to listen to when it starts to get warm out and you just wanna drive past the local community college and look at girls in yoga pants’ playlist, there’s 10 more disappointing bands who fall into one of the genre’s common pitfalls: gay friendzonecore lyrics, uptight srsness/tr00ness, or shitty production. With the genre on its last legs, I thought I’d found them all until now: meet KNOCKOUT KID!

Dat uplifting, major key intro riff. Dem bittersweet, super-earnest lyrics about striving to be a better person. Dat doodles-on-your-textbook cover art in neon colors. NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL EASYCORE

It’s true that lyrics like “Don’t wanna text you girl, but will you answer my call?” are definitely pleaserespondcore, but the sick riffment and awesome production are enough for me to look the other way– “Hey you kids, quit asking girls to text you back! I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that, but don’t let me catch you doing it again, ok? Man up!!”

Don’t know anything about these guys, but it looks like they’re still around, and they’re fucking sweet so holler at them on Facebook and tell them SYWH sent you! Get them to tour with DECEIVED IN NUMBERS.

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

GOLIATH have a new song that’s all “we r society’s outcasts, BLEH!” *breakdown*

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Sergeant D

Everybody knows that Southern California has the most advanced culture on the planet, which in turn means that it has the most advanced bands on the planet. Sure, there are good bands from lulzy places full of fail like Europe, Philly and Boston, but they are the exception not the rule. At best, they’re one-trick ponies that are decent, but solidly locked within the confines of a given genre with all the familiar tropes that go along with it. This is why it’s so easy to mock Eurocore bands who check off all the items on the “we are an easycore/beatdown/srscore/etc band” list, predictable Boston-pride moshcore bands, etc. Sad 4 their entry-level, one-note concepts :/

On the other hand, So Cal bands always have more advanced, nuanced concepts that reflect the area’s diverse, sophisticated culture that’s always looking for what’s next. For example, BLEEDING THROUGH were part moshcore, part symphonic metal, and part fashioncore, with roots in fun, DIY posicore– a very advanced-level concept that Euros and East Coasters are still trying to catch up with a decade+ later!

For a more recent example, peep the new track from the 818 band GOLIATH and lettuce discuss why it is so advanced:

  • Song title is very punk; could easily be an album by some shitty, entry-level band like Casualties or Total Chaos. Makes u want to fuck shit up and/or question authority!
  • Opens with Slayer-esque ‘creepy clean guitar,’ then there’s a massive breakdown, then a semi-GOTHENBURGCORE part followed by a blast beat and a bass drop at 2:16. Oh, and dat BLEH! at 3:17, which is a nice nod to ignorant mosh. It’s like a potpurri of moshable musical elements!! But note than unlike entry-level, crappy bands who haphazardly cram genres together and call it originality, GOLIATH combines all of this in a way that feels completely natural.
  • Breakdown at 2:16 where they are all ‘NO MAN IS SAFE FROM LIFE ITSELF!!! I H8 U DAD DONT MAKE ME GO AN HERO!!’ IMO this is the most advanced part about GOLIATH– I can only hope that this kind of self-hatred/depression/existential angst is The Next Big Thing in hardcore, especially when paired with DYSTOPIA-like vocals.

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , , , , | 72 Comments

SYWH Podcast 10: Krasp from DOWNSET

Posted on May 7, 2012 by Sergeant D

When it comes to 90s hardcore bands that have stood the test of time and then some, DOWNSET are at the top of the list, combining sweet mosh parts with rap in a way that few have equaled before or since. From my earlier post about them:

Their music was awesome enough on its own, but I really fell in love with Downset because they were the purest possible product of crossing the Southern California graffiti and hardcore scenes, with members representing legendary crews UTI, THC, and CBS. For someone like me who grew up fully immersed in both graffiti and hardcore of that era, it’s hard to find a band that does a better job of capturing what the West Coast was like in the 90s for pissed off kids like me. AND they had smart lyrics about self-improvement, being mad, and other stuff that hit home with me– it’s pretty much like you took everything I liked, put it in a blender, and pressed it onto vinyl.

this video = everything good about 90s hardcore

I caught up with their drummer Chris aka KRASP and talked about some old man bullshit like the 90s LA hardcore and graffiti scenes, which parts of the 909 are best for raising your family, and some news about his new band. Thanks to Chris for his time, and if you aren’t jocking DOWNSET, you’re doing it wrong!!

Subscribe to SYWHCast on iTunes, follow Krasp on Twitter, check out the official Downset site, and file this under ‘bands you should jock if you want to be an advanced-level 90s revival kid’

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Posted in podcast | Tagged , , , , , | 26 Comments

PARAMORE + breakdowns + an additional hot bish = this band

Posted on May 7, 2012 by Sergeant D

PARAMORE is one of those bands that I just can’t bring myself to like, no matter how hard I try (see also EVERY TIME I DIE). On paper, they sound great: accessible radio rock bordering on pop-punk with an extremely cute bish singer who has semi-scene hair? What’s not to like?! Their boring music, for one. I am not sure why people call them pop-punk, because they are not actually very poppy at all. And no breakdowns?? NOT MUSIC. Enter some Canadian band called COURAGE MY LOVE, who are pretty much what I wanted PARAMORE to be.

All-girl gang vocals? Breakdown at 3:20, complete with pinch harmonic?? FUCK YES. And brb replaying 2:30-2:31 where you can see 2″ of her stomach

This song is better, I love the open-string melody in the pre-chorus. Reminds me of 90s emo like Texas Is The Reason only better because they’re downtuned a bit and hot bishes are involved. Video is p weak though… PROTIP: never let your film student friend talk you into making some gay video that’s ‘a tribute to the classics of French new wave’

brb thinking of ways to nonchalantly sniff the part of the redhead’s lower back that her sister’s junk was rubbing against

Oh, and did I mention they have TWO hot bishes in the band?? Apparently they’re twin sisters, and I keep going back and forth about which one I’m more into. On the one hand, I’m pretty into the singer’s 909-style lowlights (aka skunk hair). But as regular readers know nothing makes me heart go pitter-patter more than tomboyish 7.5/10s (srs), so the drummer is more up my alley (wood clean a homeless man’s taint with my tongue just for a chance to respectfully say hello to her from across the magazine aisle at Target). Sad 4 the grose ginger on bass though… he has the same physique as the two sisters and the same hair as Tegan & Sara :(

Now THIS is my shit! The song is so G-rated that “OMG” means “Oh My Gosh,” and the video is so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. Wood wring the necks of a dozen newborn kittens to be one of the guys in this video :( Brb heart is melting and wood wife/10 </3

COURAGE MY LOVE has the ability. They are good and lovely. I love them.

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , , , , | 82 Comments

MELISSA MILLIONAIRE is even skinnier now, wat u think?

Posted on May 6, 2012 by Sergeant D

The latest update in our ongoing coverage of MELISSA MILLIONAIRE’s weight comes via her mildly lulzy (but mostly boring and slightly annoying) Instagram. On the positive side, my boner is excited about her slutty nails and the presence of leggings and Uggs. I am also a fan of small asses and narrow hips (in b4 whale slayers tell me I’m gay because I ‘like girls who are built like 10 year old boys’), but IDK if I can get down with how her knees look like they’re about to snap under the weight of her hair. Feel like she has the physique of some poor Eastern European who got kidnapped by human traffickers, was stuck in the sunless hold of a cargo ship for 3 months with only Saltines for food and this photo will be shown on CNN as a shocking example of her brave battle with scurvy.

But more importantly, I’m pretty unimpressed by the cheap, generic bathroom interior- not mirin dat build quality :( It looks like the drawers on the left are those dummy ones that don’t actually open because the cheap Jews who build the cookie-cutter OC housing development didn’t want to spend an extra $50 on actual drawers, and those faucets look equally crummy.

Miss u, water balloon Melissa :(

Wood u still stab her guts? Is this the only example of when ‘sharp elbows/10′ is actually justified? Do her stripper nails give you a boner, too?

Posted in bishes | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 69 Comments

Do you liek STRUCTURES??

Posted on May 6, 2012 by Sergeant D

I’ll let you guise in on a secret: I’m a little bit of a closet drum nerd. Don’t get me wrong, I myself am a terrible drummer, but when nobody’s looking I sometimes geek out over sweet drumming :( The person who got me into drum fggtry is my friend Todd (a sick drummer in his own right), so when he told me I should check out STRUCTURES because ‘their drummer is hella rad,’ I jumped on it like a Jew on dime. When Todd says jump, my only question is “How high, bro??”

Actually, that’s a lie: he told me to check them out several months ago, but I didn’t get around to it until just now. In no particular order, here are my thoughts:

  • These guys are what IMN/beardo/musicfag bands like BTBAM, Meshuggah, DEP, etc would sound like if they actually looked up from their fretboards for 1.5 seconds and remembered to write actual SONGS instead of gay riff salad. Dem gang vocals + dat STRAY FROM THE PATH-style semi-breakdown at 1:00 = you’re moshing, only you have a ponytail and transitions lenses that prevent you from going completely buck.
  • They look like chill bros who would be the assistant manager of the Pro Audio department at Guitar Center and would hook you up with a 10% discount on a XLR cable because you were wearing a Donnybrook shirt
  • :45 the combo of a sweep picking run over breakdown/bounce riff makes me feel funny inside… not sheriff innovative way to make ‘fretboard wizardry’ not as gay, or still gay. So conflicted insied :/
  • I honestly wonder how bands like this remember how to play their songs, since you can’t really understand the lyrics and the arrangements make absolutely no sense. Do they have ‘riff teleprompters’?? Pls rspnd

,

Posted in new jamz | Tagged , , , , , | 92 Comments

CHIEF KEEF COULD BE THE MOST IGNORANT TO DO IT. EVER.

Posted on May 5, 2012 by ShawnYouWillHate

this dude gets it

Pretty sure Chief Keef takes the crown as the most ignorant rap shit to date, and is more aggressive in my mind than most extreme metal.  This is basically the urban equivalent of goregrind, so naturally I find it entertaining.

  1. This is a room full of shirtless black 16 year olds  smoking weed in an unfurnished Chicago apartment.
  2. Short Dreads: the most terrifying hairstyle ever
  3. He’s kinda making Waka Flocka seem tame and friendly
  4. 0:52 mirin that denim combo
  5. Fake shoes- that’s that shit I don’t like either
  6. 2:25 dat gun
  7. The song is like 5 minutes long- yet not long enough, I often find myself watching the video 3 times in a row
  8. “Fake shrooms, that’s that shit I don’t like”

If for some odd reason you want to know more about Chief Keef check his facebookings or listen to his latest tape here.

 

Posted in new jamz | Tagged | 58 Comments

Exclusive Premiere: New DECEIVED IN NUMBERS jam

Posted on May 5, 2012 by Save Parker

Nothing brings bros together like sweet moshes

You already know about my bros in DECEIVED IN NUMBERS, and they’re trying to get the word out about their new EP, GREATER THAN CATASTROPHES, dropping JUNE 15 SON, so they hooked me up with a hot new exclusive track to premiere. So check this shit out already come on.

Apparently its my bro Crispin’s fav “cause its always changing and provides something frwesh or something like that” (second hand quote from FB chat). All I know is they’re batting 1000 on catchy choruses so far. Keep an eye out for that EP June 15, and I know I’ll be seeing them play a bunch of very shitty places all over the south suburbs of Chicago this summer, can’t wait to hang with all those cute Latin girls <3

Remember, easycore this sick is hard to come by! Embrace it while you can, before they get signed to Rise and have to release an extra tr00 record about sitting in their dorm rooms alone cause they’re allergic to parties!

Add their shit on the facebook and tell them Stuff You Will Hate sent you!

GO BULLS!

Posted in easycore, mesh shorts, mexis, moshing | Tagged , , , , , , | 28 Comments

IMPORTANT QUESTION OF THE DAY

Posted on May 4, 2012 by Sergeant D

I have the best Tumblr followers (srs)

Posted in Uncategorized | 47 Comments