Transitional bro

I am a confused metal fan at a Millionaires concert. I don't know how I let things get this far, but now here I am, on the front row, just living in the moment, enjoying the sweet catchy pop vibes, soaking up the message about getting "fucked up" and "having fun".

Normally I don't listen to stuff like this, normally I like really really heavy stuff, bands so heavy you probably won't have even heard of them, true metal like Children of Bodom, Machine Head, and Satyricon. Intelligent music, sometimes I listen to classical. None of my friends know I'm here, and there's no way I'll tell them. They wouldn't understand.

I just stumbled across one of their songs on youtube one night on my mum's laptop with a friend, and we laughed at it, and talked about how music and our generation was "going to shit", and how it shouldn't be cool to be a slut.

Next time people were round, I played them again, but made it clear I was only being ironic, and that it was just a joke, so we could savour the moment, united in our musical superiority.

Later that night I found some of their songs on mediafire, and listened to the whole thing, making sure to turn it right down when anyone came near the door.

Then it was too late, I was hooked. I put their songs on my ipod, and started playing them on the way to school. Once a cute girl asked me what I was listening to, I told her it was Meshuggah, some underground Swedish death metal. I think she bought it, and went away. That was too close. My reputation was in jeopardy.

When I heard they were playing my town I knew I had to go, but couldn't ask anyone else. I would have to face this one alone. On the night I pushed through the crowd of exited tween girls with ease, and staked my spot on the front row. I was truly alone for once, a traitor to my own kind, but not one of the mainstreamers or scene kids, a wolf in sheep's clothing, a dark horse.


It was one of the best shows I've ever been to, it was my night. Hope no one sees me on their myspace.

Tonight I am re-inventing my personal brand, I am re-evaluating my perspective on music. Not sure where to go after this, who to hang out with. This is something I must do alone. I have broke free from the pack, now I am my own tween, I have to become my own alt.

JT Lloyd (with 2 L's).........fucking LOL!

I can remember very well and with great clarity the first moment that I discovered T Mills. First I hated him and thought he was a dick. Now I think his music is dope and he is merely a bit vapid. Now with that thought, imagine my horror when I saw this.......



Yup, seems like everyone's tryna become an autotune scene bro now, presumably for the underage OTW poon it will surely bring. We had Mills, Jakewolf, J Bigga, and now the most entry level of them all (which is fucking saying something), at least if myspace layouts are anything to go by, JT Lloyd!

There are many things wrong with this image. Firstly, he has the same inbred mouth agape expression that I last saw on Spanky of DDC, which, when combined with the frankly disturbing shirtlift + loltattoo reveal, makes me feel like a chick who's just realised shes about to get raped. Seriously, look at that fucking face, it justs screams out "squeal piggy squeal", with inbred yank sensibilities.

Secondly, he isn't signed and is purely "DIY", yet is having a sale (wat?!?), offering a Victory Records esque bundel, and selling signed autographed topless posters of himself. Dude, you're a fucking 19 year old generi-scene bro. Slow down!

Weird chest is weird, he's obviously worked on his abs, but then combined with the rest of his body having the proportions of a 12 year old everything just looks wrong. Hit the bench press sometime bro! I guess it's better than J Bigga revealing his malnourished 30 yr old chest at every opportunity.

As is customary for autotune scene bros, he has a host of videos on his youtube channel of him doing....well, fuck all actually. Him and some of his dumb friends try and act like LOLCRAZYRANDOMFUNGUIZE in their parent's houses, but most of the time the films are just the camera hovering unnearvingly close to his face, as his mouth hangs open, he chews gum, and talks in some kind of American drawl about something. Not quite tour footage.

In this one him and some kid talk about going to church (crunk4christ?!?), hitting on a 13 year old girl, and being inbred.

As you would expect, he has an overwhelming amount of positive feedback in the form of otw slightly scene chicks who still use myspace (who seem to be the autotune scene bros target demograph), and an absolute ton of myspace pages of various "street teams".

Even my beloved Germany D:

His pictures are unsurprisingly stacked with a shit ton of pictures of himself, in various stages of his patented shirt lift, against a background of gay colours.

There was also an album devoted to his keut scene gf, who we see here also doing the token lift, and proving why they are perfect for each other. Now creepy scene bros like me can mock you AND eyefuck your chick!

JT's first show was a great success...

N.B: In researching this post I had to endure more pictures of him than I can recall, seeing as he puts his face on fucking every page about 50 times. I am now going to curl up in the foetal position and recite quotes from Deliverance.

OG Scene Queen Taylor Bebop Joins OTW Dance Squad

As I have said many times before, I am old. I am a firm believer in getting information straight from the horse's mouth, so when it comes to learning more about what teens these days are into, what better source than an actual upper-middle class, suburban teenage girl?? On that note, please welcome our newest contributor, YeahYouKnowIt's 16 year-old little sister Calleiente! We are stoked to have her on board and hope to see more from her in the future!

And for anybody who thinks I am ghost-writing these posts, that couldn't be less accurate. I wish I could take credit for the work of YYKI and company, but it's 100% theirs and theirs alone. Can't deal with the fact that two sisters who aren't even old enough to buy light beer are funnier than you?? Tough break, go listen to Outspoken and cry yourself to sleep. - Sgt D


Back in 2k7, when it was cool/normal/healthy to be scene, I got rly into it. With my downward angle Myspace photos and colored extensions, you could say the scene and I were in a committed relationship; I still got the Hot Topic Rewards Cards to prove it. Now, my mnstrm friends have become less accepting of the scene (as Charlie Scene said, “it ain’t east being scene-y”), and morphed into those classic A&F kewl kids that I never really wanted to be. I followed, but still kept my musical/style roots in the scene, which led me to this horrifying discovery.

Back in the day, before the inflated hair of Melissa Millionaire (luv u bby), one scene queen dominated Myspace; Taylor Bebop. Anybody who was anybody on Myspace got their layout from this adorable chick, who was also the genius behind the ever-popular-in-2k6/7/8 Myspace contest site Tuff Kids -- a place for scene pretties to show off their siq hair and too legit threads, so other ppl can assure them they look kyoot enough to bear the title of scene. Taylor Bebop was my gurl, and I wanted to grow up to be just as Myspace famous as her… Then this happened:

I dunno what it means 2 hav a 'Stanky Leg,' but I'm pretty sure it happened to my cousin's horse b4 they put it down.

When I first came across this video a couple months ago, I thought it was a joke. Okay, so Bebop is friends with some OTWs, who thought it would be funny to park their white 2004 Chrysler Sebring outside school on a Saturday and do the Stanky Leg. I see the humor.

DAMN, Taylor Bebop picked up her copy of Southern Swagger 9?! The only way I could cop that shit was sneakin into the Media Play while my mom was tryin on vests at the Dress Barn.

Now this video is a little harder to interpret from a scene point of view. I love rap and throwing around 'racial obscenities' just as much as any other white kid, but there isn’t one scene band in here. You’d expect any respectable scene queen to put something along the lines of Breathe Carolina or 3OH!3 before Bone Thugz N Harmony, right?!



Curious about the future of this OG Scenester, I snooped around on Myspace, and found some disturbing photos… As much as it pains me to say this, Taylor Bebop, my scene idol, is a member of her high school step team. For those of you who are unfamiliar with 'steppin’, imagine the Negro version of tap dance, without the cute outfits. This activity is reserved almost solely for OTWs, the most prominent demographic being blk ppl, with some cholos thrown in every once and a while. Movies like “Stomp The Yard” and “Drumline” have taught me that good 'steppas' have to be members of fraternities, and have experienced some sort of emotional turmoil that makes them express their brooding feelings through moves akin to afrikan tribal shit. White ppl are generally excluded from this activity, unless a talented wigger wants to rly ‘fit into the urban culture’ and ‘be fly,’ and can demonstrate their skillz in some sort of all out battle at a house party.

I guess steppin' is lyke the 'special olympics' of school spirit activities? You can tell by the like, three spectators that no one really cares, but they feel 'all guilty inside' not cheering.. GO BEBOP! YAYYYYY!!!

Just as I thought I’d lost Bebop for good, her Myspace album “THE WHIP,” shed some light on my otherwise 'sad/lonely/confused existence.' Bebop has a black Scion XB, decked out with rainbow glitter, diamond A/C knobs, purple LED lights, and to top off any respectable scene chariot, a chrome Hello Kitty decal.


This, I feel, is an acceptable middle ground between the scene I want her to be, and the new identity she’s found as a “steppin’ sistah”. Sarge just did a post on OTWs becoming “the next big market for scene/autotune/crabcore/crunkcore/stuff-you-will-hate.” Does this Scene Founder gone ‘hood’ disprove that theory?

Tween Scene chicks heart "Teaser" by T Mills

Much in the same way that shirtless tweens like to do Screamo covers of "The Biebz", I have recently discovered another trend amoung bored middle class white kids. As we all know from the seemingly endless stream of Mills related content recently, nothing soaks underage scene panties like that dude, and now we have another disturbing manifestation of this.

For some unfathamable reason, there is a whole host of videos of girls who have filmed themselfs awkwardly singing along to the song "Teaser". When I first discoved two girls torturing a cat via this method in a Hyperviolence post I thought it was just a one off, but as you can see, the problem has spread much, much further afoot.

The "Patient Zero", of awkward T Mills covers. Note how the cat really wishes he wasn't there.


heart the annoying chick in the Whitechapel tee

"At the ennnnnd, I say he gives my vagina an erection and
if I had a penis, he'd give it one to :)" - Wut?!?!?

Obviously a big thing with the OTWs

The last one is the most worrying to me, as they appear to be in some kind of shop/gallery/public space. Who knows quite what overtook them here, that they absolutely had to whip out their Macbook and do it right there, instead of in the safety of their own homes, free from the confused creepy azn guy behind them. Love how whenever the lyrics get particularly raunchy they hastily glance over their shoulder, presumably in case their parents (who probably own said macbook) hear them, although they definately dont seem to give a shit about azn dude.

Creepy/Dissapointed/Shocked/Disgusted/Confused/Aroused/Spectral/Azn bro?

One last thing, before I go, In addition to Monday's post, I would also like to add that animal cruelty is neither cool nor scene, and that you take a moment to remember John.......

Is She Really Going Out With Him?

MTV has a long history of awesome dating shows, usually involving some sort of bus: Taildaters, Date My Mom, Room Raiders, and of course NEXT. Continuing in that proud tradition, I present you with my new favorite television show, Is She Really Going Out With Him. The show is an adaptation of the stellar blog Hot Chicks With Douchebags, and I can't get enough of it!

--

The original MTV dating show, Next. It revolves around slightly below average 20somethings poorly delivering hackneyed jokes for the amusement of the producers.

--

I can't stop LOLing at Big Johnson-esque jokes like "I do love a man with hard wood." I should be a writer for Room Raiders!!

--

I love how the daughter is always like "Mom, whatever you do, DON'T TELL HIM such-and-such!!" then the mom spills the beans when prompted by the producers as she stiffly recites their lines. Later, she reveals it to her daughter: "Don't worry, I said you had big boobs just like you told me to!" and the daughter is like "No mom, I told you NOT to say that! OMG!"

--

Whet your appetite for ISRGOWH with this trailer

--

From fratbags to DJs to screamo fggts, the show features an allstar lineup of douchelords. No matter what, you're guaranteed to be enraged at least once!

--

This retardedly hot OTW chick watches as her douche applies guyliner. Melissa Millionaire would never put up with that BS, this little OTW hottie needs to drop that zero and get with this hero!

--

My favorite episode features a 19 year-old crabcore bag, who plays in an atrocious band called Divide The Sky who make Attack Attack seem like Mozart

As you can see, the show is an epic lolfactory, and most of the chicks are indeed as hot as they are sweet. My only question: Where is the bus??

Official site (Euros can't watch it :( )
Interview with the show's producer

What is your favorite MTV show?? Are you a hot chick who has dated a d-bag? Are you a douchelord who's dated a hot, sweet girl?? When are they bringing back NEXT?

NEW JAMZ: Jason Derulo "In My Head"

This video has 3.5 million views so I'm guessing it's already popular among non-oldz, but I just caught this after the episode of "Is She Really Going Out With Him" featuring the douche from some ghey crabcore band called Divide The Sky.

--

--

His Pierce The Veil shirt confirms a theory that I have been developing for a while: OTWs ("other-than-whites") are the next big market for scene/autotune/crabcore/crunkcore/stuff-you-will-hate. Just ask OTW scene hottie Melissa Millionaire! (XOXO Melissa, we love you!)

Crank this shit in your 2001 Civic with broken side mirror next time you go to the mall to cop an A Day To Remember shirt, the hotties will be lining up for a chance to get down with you!

SYWH Spring 2K10 lookbook

The only thing I like more than Forever The Sickest Kids is shopping-- especially at popular mall retailers for teenagers. I definitely have several pairs of $250+ jeans, Versace ties, and Prada shoes in my closet, but that shit is only for when I have to hang out with No Fun Clubbers/middlebrows who overcompensate for being unpopular in high school by buying expensive-yet-boring clothes and trying to impress each other. I'd rather be getting wasted in my Hollister hoodie or moshing it up to some Winds of Plague with my New Era at a jaunty angle.

Only ass holes dress like tryhard fashionistas. Cool kids who like fun and kicking it with their friends (do you even have any??) shop at the mall. With that in mind, let Sergeant D, ShawnYouWillHate, and YeahYouKnowIt be your guides to looking (and feeling) your best in Spring 2K10 with this handy guide to what's hot and what's not. Print out a copy, take notes, and bring it with you on your next trip to the mall!
Longtime readers know that we are huge fans of Forever 21, whose selection is pretty much unparalleled. Whether you're a rich, slutty azn girl who drives a Lexus and needs a trashy little party dress for slutting it up at your local hip-hop club, an introspective, nerdy emo chick who wants something that quietly tells the world how much you like owls and kitty cats, or a fggty dude like me who likes trendy cheap shit that looks like Diesel but costs 90% less, Forever 21 has something for you! Here are a few of my favorites:

Boat necks are flattering on just about anybody, even if u "r a little bit on the porky side," and we love this nautical look!

The best thing about Forever 21 is that you can get stuff like this for $2.80-- less than the price of a large Red Bull!

Whether you're a scene girl or a blipster, you can't go wrong with a neon chartreuse, cropped pleather jacket!!

Forever 21 is also on the cute animals program for their girls' graphic tees. This one combines a kitty with a kyut bow AND stripes-- three things indie girls can't resist!! Oh, and it's a fucking v neck, so it might as well be crack for 19 yr olds who listen to Death Cab and pine for Michael Cera.

I won't lie, this kinda makes me want to vomit with rage

All in all, Forever 21 is pretty much the shit. You could probably buy your entire wardrobe there and look awesome, but it is a bit of a mixed bag in that they have some serious turds mixed in with the gems. Plan a few hours to sort through all the jumbled crap, especially if a crowd of teenagers have been through before you and tore the place up. The selection is great, but Delia's has them beat on quality.

Rating

3.5/5 flatirons

I would be a bad friend and a shitty tastemaker if I didn't include Homage Clothing in this lookbook. You can think of them as all the good things about vintage sportswear (cool graphics, classic silhouettes), but none of the bad (skyhigh prices, bad fit). If u want to impress your friends with "things they don't know about yet but u already do," stock up on some Homage gear-- it's FIRE, bro!

This shirt speaks the truth. I stayed in Detroit for a weekend once for a Spazz show, and I heard gunshots at like 10AM on a Sunday *eep*

Nothing says "scene gear" like 80s references such as "sk8 or die." Note the Integrity/Project X font

I'm real into all of Homage's "Surf Ohio" shirts, genius!

If you don't have a retailer near you, hit up the Homage online store and cop that shit! Tell em the Sarge sent you.



I first heard of Delia's when I lived with BloodyGuts. When she got the catalog, I would look through it to eyefuck the models in it (I was 18 at the time so it wasn't creepy). These days I'm just a fan of their clothes, but I like them more than ever. This popular tween retailer is making a big cute animal statement with their graphic tees, with some especially cute ones featuring animals in love (like the giraffes below-- they're boyfriend and girlfriend, awwww!).

Tiger cub says "RAWR DO U WANT 2 PLAY?!?!"

This little kitty is attempting the sexy librarian look... I'd hit it.

You can tell the one on the right is the girl because she is a pretty color

Aside from really nice graphics, Delia's assortment has really nice handfeel, with buttery-soft tees, water-based inks, and nice use of wash/spray to make them feel like your favorite piece of vintage. Hats off, Delia's!

Rating

4/5 flatirons

I feel sorry for ppl in the midwest because u don't have leading action sports retailer Zumiez, which means you have to either buy your action sports gear at "some shithole mom-and-pop skate shop" that is never open and full of dickbags who "make u feel like u aren't cool enough to shop there" and are always out of stuff or worse, shop at Pac Sun. I would rather get herpes, AIDS, and cancer on the same day than set foot in Pac Sun, so it really hurts when I see midwestern teens who don't know any better buy their neon plaids there instead of Zumiez :(

Aside from the usual assortment of "core action sports brands that establish their credibility," I am super stoked to see that Zumiez now carries core scene gear brand Glamour Kills. This is very cool b/c I heart GK, here's hoping that they pick up Crunk Kids, Rockett, and Cuttin Up Hookers too!

Wearing this shirt is a good way of telling the world you will fuck any guy who looks like he is in a band

Jesus fuck, what a denim fail!! Not only are they too short to wear with ballet flats, who the fuck wears BOOTCUT jeans in the 2k10 aside from guidos and Fox Racing bros?! Barf.

I'll always be a sucker for girls who wear buffalo plaids in bright colorways like this one. Wonder what the handfeel is like on these joints, tho???

I am also a sucker for girls in cute hoodies, like this simple but cool one from Glamour Kills. Would really like to see this one get some wash, grinding and destroy, though, to make it feel a little more worn-in. Also, the sleeves look a little baggy... but overall, super cute!

These Monster/DC hoodies should sell by the truckload in Riverside, New Jersey, Tacoma, Cleveland, and anywhere else there are large concentrations of stangry white ppl.

Moar DGK, less DC!

I'll always be a Zumiez fan, but I feel like their spring selection is a little bit bro/downmarket. Leave the Fox Racing gear to Pac Sun (very popular with bros and posers) and focus on the core action sports brands that got you where you are!

Rating

2.5/5 flatirons

Basically, Am Appy is the uniform for insecure, upper middle class kids with "rich parents who don't love them/were never around" and overcompensate by becoming uptight, pretentious hipsters/indie slutbags who fuck DJs/band dudes bc "they r doing something amazing with their lives." Oh, and because they manufacture everything in the US, their quality is fucking awful and the prices are laughably inflated.

Reminds me of the movie Tootsie

A "Best Bottom" contest is a great idea. Instead of sending yours to Am Appy, send your ass to us!

O kewl, they got Kip from Napoleon Dynamite to model their ironic Sesame Street shirts

File under "bonerkillers," ugh. How about something a little sexier like some leggings and Uggs, baby?

I respect AA for recognizing that most of the ppl who work at their stores have low self-esteem and using that as a way of convincing them to "model 4 free/cheap," but mb they could find girls who are more attractive?? I dunno I'm just kinda burned out on the "OTW hipster after a three-day coke binge look" ya know? (OTW = "other than white")

Rating

.5/5 flatirons

If you have been to a college or mall recently, it is nearly 100% certain that you've seen scores of hotties in Pink sweatpants and hoodies, usually accompanied by Uggs or flip-flops. I'm not into Victoria's Secret bc it's kinda cheesy (most of that shit looks like it was designed for the part in an 80s movie where the girl says "let me slip n2 something more comfy" and comes out in some ridic lace boustier or whatever), but Pink is basically the best thing ever if you want boys to think u are "open 4 business" without looking too overtly slutty.

This dip-dyed, slash neck hoodie looks as comfy as it is "open 4 biz"

DO WANT

Kyute bow + neon animal print = authentic scene gear

Rhinestones, srsly? Bedazzler fail

Pink, you've come a long way! Their undies are still the best, and their cut-and-sew gear is getting better all the time. Their fleece still isn't as good as A&F's, but nothing says "sweetly slutty" like a girl in some sweats that say "PINK" across the slightly-jiggly butt. SYWH fully endorses Pink!

Rating

4/5 flatirons

Where do u get ur scenegear?? What are the most popular places for teens to hang out/shop/flirt at your mall? Are u "too uptight to wear things that mnstrmrs like"? What is ur favorite item in the SYWH SPRING 2K10 LOOKBOOK??