I ENDORSE 'WORTHWHILE'

I'm here to tell you, my fellow olds, that the youngsters are becoming more efficient in teh 2K10.

Worthwhile, from the east bay (set your goals, op ivy, this time next year, the list goes on...) were probably born with instruments in their hands. They probably had their bar-mitzvah parties at gilman st. and wore north face jackets, vans, and skinny jeans since they were 10. They were better than you in the skatepark bowls and are a full 10 years younger than most of us.

It's okay though, don't be mad- take their ep "Miracle Me", burn it to disc and put it in your $27,000 car so you can pretend to be young and carefree as you drive to work at 7:45 am tomorrow. Besides, these guys have homework to do tonight and acne, while you have a steady job and a girlfriend or wife even.


Please take note of the boogie board in the background

Awesome, they've got positive talking parts and a few friends that aren't too cool to two-step in their parents garage. Their branding is also quite easy on the eyes, high quality photos and a decent clean typeface.

Oh and bros, if you read this and want some sick merch hit us up.

"Don't grow up too quick"- a lyric from the song Phileo...how ironic.

Fall Jamz 2K9: Breathe Carolina "Tripped And Fell In Portland"

This song is the perfect example of what Stuff You Will Hate is all about: Something I 10000% non-ironically love but almost everybody else I know will violently hate. For any new readers, SYWH is a spinoff from my other blog, Metal Inquisition, where I usually write about death metal and hardcore bands like Infernal Revulsion and Demolisher. They got butthurt when I wrote about anything that wasn't metal from the early 90s, so I made this blog (which is still a work in progress- new design coming very soon).

This is the catchiest shit since Forever The Sickest Kids "I Don't Know About You But I Came To Dance" and I hope it blows up, 3OH!3 style. Speficially, I want to hear this on the receptionist's radio every time I walk past the front desk at work just like I did with "Don't Trust Me."

Anyhow, I was at the OSU Finish Line the other day to up buying some Nike Skylines in the sick colorway above when I heard a ridiculously catchy melody on the in-store music. Listening closer, I heard screaming over trancey synths and was like "WTF, this song is scene as fuck- what is it, and why am I hearing it here of all places?"

They have a pretty cool brand going on, with some of the better merch designs in the genre. Bros, if you're reading this, hit up my Flickr and drop me a line, it would be fun to make some shirts for you!

I looked up the lyrics was surprised to find out it was Breathe Carolina a pair a neon-clad skinny dudes from Denver whose music never really grabbed me before. Not unlike their fellow Colorado residents 3OH!3 or the Kefka-meets-Jeffree Starr stylings of Blood On The Dancefloor, they play a fun and accessible mix of trance/techno and poppy rock with screamo touches here and there. Although Buddyhead slammed this record pretty hard, they got it right when they said that Breathe Carolina are the fancy-lad, crybaby version of Brokencyde. I like to think of Breathe Carolina as what might happen if Taylor Swift tried to make a sleazy crunkcore record. She would come back with a song called "I Like You, Do You Like Me?" where she tried to rap over some Fruity Loops preset and you'd be like, "Aw, sweetie, that's not very crunk... But I can tell you tried hard, here's a cookie and your blankie."

I bet these dudes try to make girls think they're sleazy creeps like Hollywood Undead, but by the end of the night end up curled up in the fetal position, sobbing quietly in bed next to the 18 year-old scene girl they brought back to the crib. They choke back the tears just long enough to make puppy dog eyes at her and say, "W-will you just... hold me for a while??"

Needless to say, even normally astute outlets like Buddyhead hate this band passionately, demonstrating something we already knew: Hipsters and punk rockers get old, cranky and clueless just like everybody else. They lose touch with new developments in youth culture, and new songs like this one make them confused and angry. I'm sure it will happen to me some day too, and when it does I ask you to just smother me with a pillow in my sleep. I honestly don't get it though: Buddyhead put out the fucking Shat CD, so it's kind of baffling how they are so out-of-touch, thin-skinned, and basically just completely old and clueless as to say shit like this in their review:

At this point, I’m not sure I even like music anymore, and so don’t care if crab-core kills me. But I’d still like to point out that this shit isn’t fair. I don’t deserve this. No one deserves Breathe Carolina. Not Hitler and not Sean Hannity and not Fred Durst. Yet, this “record,” Hello Fascination, sits stocked in stores, waiting patiently for victims to come upon it’s rainbow-jizz sprayed cover. Innocent people are going to suffer.

Really?! Are you that upset by a rainbow? If so, you might consider re-evaluating the extent to which you decide to care what a couple like 21 year-old scene kids put on the cover of their record. If he was just exaggerating in hopes of getting readers, fine- but even then, honestly they whole "ZOMG I HATE CRUNKCORE/CRABCORE/SCENE" thing that every fucking site ever does is super, super played out. It's not interesting anymore, this shit has been around for a long time, and it just makes these writers sound like their parents complaining about how "you can't even understand the words!" Next step is putting a plastic cover on the couch and the transformation into Mr. Armstrong, ,my 7th grade gym teacher, is complete.

This could be the last thing the Buddyhead dude ever sees!

If these old people aren't careful, they're going to nerd-rage themselves to an early grave. It will go something like this:

(Guy from Buddyhead arrives at the show and confronts the band)
Buddyhead dude: "Hey you little assholes, I've got a bone to pick with you. What IS this crap kids these days listen to?! Why, back in my day we had REAL MUSIC! We listened to the classics: Black Flag, Napalm Death, Eazy-E, none of this neon merch garbage with the rapping and the Pokemon hair or whatever they call it... And one more thing- ARGGH!!"
(Falls to the floor clutching his head, quivers for a few seconds, then lays still)
Breathe Carolina Scenebro 1: Whoa, dude... I think that old guy just like died, bro!
Breathe Carolina Scenebro 2: Holy shit, haha! That was kind of awesome, he hates us so much he like made his own brain explode or some shit!!
Breathe Carolina Scenebro 1: Seriously! Do you think we should like, do something? Maybe we should- oh snap, look over there- I think it's that girl Britney that's been sweating me on Buzznet, I'm gonna go see what's up. Shake n bake, dawg!!
(the Scenebros do their secret handshake and part ways, leaving the Buddyhead guy's corpse on the floor, quickly growing cold and stiff as kids walk past him laughing and having fun, completely oblivious to his presence)

My message to people like Buddyhead and other haters is this: It's not worth it, dudes. If you don't like this shit, that's cool, you don't have to. But I think you should let it go and move on with your life. It's not healthy to be so angry! And getting back to the original point of this post, this song is rad and I will be playing it on the regular this fall.